Dreams
by Katie Schmidt
Summary: This is a weird little post-Knockout nugget I dreamed up. Coma/AU and contains adult situations during a pregnancy and child birth.
1. Chapter 1

**Wow. Something totally new and unexpected from me. Apparently, I want to punish myself by starting three different stories, within three different universes. Knockout doesn't exist in **_Mothers_**. **_Survive_**runs current to the last aired episode. Now this one. Totally AU, will never ever happen, but ties directly to Knockout. **

**Perhaps it's because I'm an X-Files fan. Perhaps it's because I believe brains connect differently when unconscious... do things that seem completely impossible. **

**I've personally woken, twice, in a sweat, to a voice I know. Though I have never physically heard it awake, the same voice has had the same experience with mine while asleep. (And this ends pre-story creepy author note.)**

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><p><strong>Dreams<strong>

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><p>Nothing is right. Sitting beside her, Castle finds himself struggling to breathe. Why had I waited so long? Even with the knowledge that she knew, he can't seem to shake the panic. The finality that their chance is over.<p>

God, if only.

They've all explained it to him. Sometimes it just happens. The brain knows the body has so much to heal that it goes into sleep-mode. Waiting for the signal that things are going to be alright before it perks back up. It's rarely permanent, most patients wake up not knowing the amount of time that's passed.

There is no reason to think she won't come shining through.

But, Castle just keeps thinking.

If only.

If only I'd told her that night when I'd begged her to step away.

If only I'd told her the hundred times before, when I wanted to, but the moment just didn't cooperate.

If only she'd let me press my lips to hers again, without the need for cover and rescue.

His life has now come to this. Sitting in the chair beside her bed, pleading with her not to let go as I hold her hand.

"You can't stop kicking my ass now." He tells her with a smile and a squeeze of her hand. Just hoping she knows.

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><p>"The baby's kicking me." He complained, rolling over to look at me as I lay curled on my side, distended stomach pressed up against his back, my leg thrown over a pillow and his own thigh in an attempt to get comfortable.<p>

"What do you think he's doing to me?" I ask in response as the baby continues to thump impatiently against my belly. "I can't roll away from him. He's on the inside."

"We both know I can't roll away from you." He teases, knowing that at 34 weeks, I can't find a whole lot of comfortable places to get sleep. He's the only choice. I roll onto my back before rolling ot the side and up out of the bed.

"Sorry Kate." He apologizes, gaze lingering on the strip of stomach that is exposed where my tank top has ridden up and my shorts rolled down.

"It's alright." I huff, pausing at the door, "He's beating on my bladder now like it's a drum set."

"Remind me about that for Christmas in 10 years."

"Hell no." I snap, and head into the bathroom. After a use of the facilities, I stand in the living room, starring out at the city lights and the full moon peeking out from the clouds above. "Now you listen up little man." I tell the baby, rocking my hips back and forth, trying to rock him back to a watery sleep. "This is night time. I know when I lay down you think it's time to party because you stop getting rocked by my footsteps. But your Mama is tired." I smooth my hands over the mound where he lies. I watch in amazement as he stretches and a tiny lump protrudes where he's stuck his foot. I poke him back. "Stop." I tell him, as I always do.

Rick read a blog about a father who taught his baby to kick and nudge on whatever side the parents teased it through. Following this development, it was written that they went so far as to teach the baby not to jab it's mother as hard. He'd become convinced we could train our still nameless baby the same.

But I did my own research. We probably weren't teaching little drummer boy anything. He (and the bloggers baby) was just responding to stimulus. They were merely responding to the poke's location and were calmed from familiar voices.

Standing there, in our living room I'm stunned when Alexis slips in with her key.

"Kate?" She asks in concern as she heads over to us. "Why are you up?"

"Why are you home?" I volley back, knowing she was supposed to spend the night at a friend's house.

"Oh, people were drinking. I hate that." She offered honestly.

"Baby was kicking your father." I smile at her, finally coming back to her question. Her small chuckle springs free.

"And that was a huge problem for him, wasn't it?"

"Thank you!" I confirm, shifting around again in a weird solo slow dance circle. "I think he's finally back to sleep." I murmur. Alexis studies my belly for a minute.

"How can you even breathe with all that?" She asks. I'm well aware of the size I've grown. I constantly have to argue with people it's only one baby, and that I have indeed only gained 14lbs, actually under the average. It's like every spare inch and ounce has relocated on my front. I'm literally to the point if one more person hums in agreement and says 'well he's got nowhere to go with your tiny frame,' I'm going to cold cock them with my service weapon.

"Barely." I comment, stifling a yawn with a hand. "I'm heading back to bed."

"Yeah, bed. Night." She adds, heading up the steps. I'll miss her in a month when she headed out to the West Coast for college.

I'm in the bedroom doorway when a sudden spasm in my left side burns through my stomach. At first I'm paralyzed with fear that I'm going into early labor, before I realize the pain is focused behind both the baby and my uterus.

"Castle!" I gasp in horror. Momentarily stunned I've used anything other than Rick. It's been almost a year since I've used the label outside of work. He's been Rick since we crossed the line into intimacy.

"Kate?" He jerks up from the bed, as I hug the door frame.

"Something is wrong." I sob as he leads me carefully to the edge of the bed. The pain is searing, and cuts through my side clear through my back.

"Is it the baby? Should I call 911?" He hurries. I hold up my hand for him to wait as I take several deep breaths.

The pain seems to recede slowly and the baby is back to pushing and shoving. Rick sits beside me hesitantly, phone in hand.

"Maybe I'm okay." I tell him, "A pulled muscle or something." He face creases with concern as his fingers gently come to rest on my belly. Our son whacks him one.

"You should call the doctor." He offers. I shake my head and rise to my feet and heading towards my side of the bed. As quickly as the burning pain had hit, I find myself feeling fine. Well, as fine as I can with 4 1/2 pounds of kick boxer taking over my body.

"Not tonight, unless something else happens." I offer. He reluctantly nods, and helps me with pillows. I swallow down a lump when his lips whisper against my belly.

"I love you." He tells us both as we fall asleep.

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><p><strong>I didn't just start a babyfic... Did I? If you haven't already gathered, this isn't going to be your run of the mill story. I'm not a fan of standard babyfic. It's just a totally different direction post Knockout... and I just couldn't do ANYTHING on either of my other stories until I got this down once the idea hit. Though, I haven't done anything except eat, sleep and dream about Knockout!<strong>

**Hope the fans I've gathered with my in character stories, hang around for this one. I will do my best to do this AU twist right, and write it well. Also thanks to Detective Apples, for giving me the go ahead to do a pregnant coma/unconscious/AU fic! Check theirs out too, they're running totally different courses.**

**(PS, you lived through 2 weird Author Note Rambles. Go get a cookie!)**


	2. Chapter 2

**So much for a nice clean story. No children allowed. Marking this M.**

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><p><strong>Dreams<strong>

**Chapter 2**

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><p><em>The sirens were so loud in my ears. I just couldn't seem to move in the fog of the dream as they wailed. The overwhelming feeling of panic and grief crushed down on me, and the ache was back in my side. Why did everything in this dream seem so critical?<em>

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><p>The blast from my alarm clock snaps my head up. My body covered in sweat, the baby shifting and squirming in protest as my curled position places a extra pressure on my uterus. I hit the button, as Rick murmurs a protest about needing 20 more minutes.<p>

"Get up." I tell him. And he instantly jerks up beside me, last night still fresh.

"You okay?" He asks as I rise.

"Fine." I tell him, stopping to collect a fresh pair of low rise panties from my dresser. He shifts the blankets off and follows me into the bathroom.

"Are you really sure?" He asks as I sit to pee, giving him a look because he knows how much I hate it when he won't get out of the bathroom.

"Yes! Get out." I tell him, a finger pointing. A smile cracks his lips and he agrees and turns to leave.

I quickly shed the remains of my clothing, setting the shower to the perfect heat without even needing to test the water. The large shower head dumps an amazing amount of water down my back. A dollop of cherry shampoo foams up in my hair as I wash. My hands running through it gently, pulling a few small tangles loose. I'm shocked by how long it feels, it seems a good inch longer than yesterday, but brush it off as the hormones catching up to me again. I'd been amazing at how fast my hair began to grow when the pregnancy first began.

When I pick up the body poof and reach for my usual body wash, I'm surprised to find it missing. The shower shelves contain various products for the both of us, including a bottle of men's wash and a bottle of some moisture rich cream wash. I study the label on the clearly feminine scent. This is not mine.

"Ca-Rick!" I yell, a little confused where this foreign bottle has come from and why Castle keeps trying to come out of my mouth. I don't even recognize the brand as one Alexis likes, so I can't rationalize that she's snuck into our shower and forgotten it. He comes thundering in.

"What?" He asks, flinging open the steamed glass door. The chill instantly sends goose bumps to my arms and tightens my nipples painfully. These buggers are getting sensitive again; so many things about the 3rd trimester make me cringe in remembrance of the first.

"Where did this come from?" I ask.

"The store?" He asks, clearly confused. "Are you sure you're alright? Last night..." Rick starts again. I hold it up to silence him.

"Who bought it?" I ask, examining the fact that it's been used.

"You." He points out again.

"I think I'd remember that." I pointed out. "I like Burt's Bees." I remind him, he should know this. I've lived here for nearly 6 months.

Haven't I?

He shrugs. "You've bought that the last 3 times. You said it helps your stomach." He points out. I raise an eyebrow. This feels crazy.

"Get in or get out." I finally tell him with an exasperated sigh. With a shrug he takes a step back and I'm rewarded as his shirt comes off outside the glass. I'm completely unprepared for the sudden flush of heat that overtakes my body. Almost instantly it seems, I can hardly wait for him to get in here. I sigh and distract myself with the body wash.

It does feel incredible as I swipe it across the tight skin. My fingers trace the tiny stretch marks that cross my hips and lower belly. I suddenly feel overwhelmingly lucky with them. I've got proof I'm growing a life and yet they're not huge like I'd feared.

I'm shocked when I practically come from the sight of Rick entering the shower, erection firmly on its way. The bath poof falls lower as I stare. He grins. "Starting without me?" He asks, taking the poof away from my hand. He drifts it even lower, nudging me backwards against the thick stone tiled wall. I teeter on the brink when he swipes it expertly against my mound. My foot rises to the ledge, opening myself up to him as he abandons the poof and slips his hand inside of me. I arch and cry out. It only takes one flick of his thumb across my clit for me to come apart. He hasn't even bothered to kiss me, knowing exactly what I'd needed and when.

"I'm going to miss this." We both echo.

"When the baby comes." He clarifies. "Just sliding into the shower with you in the morning." He sighs, hand applying just the right amount of pressure to my breast as his forehead leans down to touch mine. I bring my foot back to the floor of the shower and wrap my arms up around his neck. His erection is insistent against my hip.

"Instant orgasms." I add. Rick rotates us gently, so his head falls into the spray and his hair soaks through. His hand comes out, and I squeeze a dollop of his shampoo into his palm. He works it in as I watch him. I sigh my impatience, as he rinses and holds out his hand for conditioner and then body wash. There is no way we can make love in the shower anymore, but I think of the bed and the pile of pillows and smile in memory of the places he's put me trying to work out the sexual tension I can never seem to shake free. As he turns his back to me to rinse, I step forward and press my stomach and breasts to his back, my hands wind around him and close over his cock.

His answering hiss is enough. I know he hasn't grown tired of this unquenchable desire of mine. It's a comfort to know he wants me still, even though the body I see in the mirror no longer looks like my own.

"Will you still want me?" I ask, not sure when in the future I'm implying.

"Forever." He promises, turning off the water and pulling my lips to his.

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><p>"Now I really have to hurry." I complain, making no move to climb away from the father of my baby. It's already after 8. I'm supposed to be in the station by 9 am. I don't leave the place much anymore, body drops and a few quiet leads. Everything else comes to me.<p>

Reluctantly I get up and get dressed. Pulling on a black lace bra. Rick hums his appreciation from the bed as he watches me. I add a red top that hugs my belly snuggly.

"I should come in with you today." He notes. I shake my head as I pull on a black pant suit. I sigh in frustration as the button sandwiched between by belly and breasts refuses to go into its designated hole.

"You haven't been in for a while." I note. He's promised to finish up the latest Nikki Heat book before the baby comes. Writing with a newborn wasn't an experience he wanted to relive, no matter the marvelous results the last time. "But," I add, with an accusing finger pointed at my belly, "Six weeks or less." I head into the walk in closet, and survey my shoes. I haven't given up heels completely, but downgraded an inch or two and I've begrudgingly added some flats and slip-ons.

Rick pulls on a pair a loose hanging sleep pants and then steps over to the closet. "Those." He agrees as I slide my feet into the low boots. "Can I bring you lunch for a break?"

"Of course." I tell him pressing an opened mouth kiss to his lips. I regretfully step away before I get caught up in him again.

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><p>"You should take a break Castle." Lanie's voice soothes. He looks up from his place beside her.<p>

"I don't think I can." He speaks honestly. "I can't stop regretting. If I had seen him a second sooner. If I'd yelled, gun or duck or anything other than Kate. She might have known, he might have missed." Castle's crying again. He knows it. But he's not about to cover it up. The tears make it real.

He loves her.

Kate's best friend pulled another chair over beside his own. "Together then." Lanie promises.

They'll wait.


	3. Chapter 3

When I stepped out of the elevator into the bullpen, I couldn't shake a deep nagging feeling that Lanie wanted to talk to me. I even went as far as to check my phone for missed calls after I locked my purse up in the locker room. Heading over to my desk, I picked through a file we'd been waiting for and signed a few upcoming court documents. By 9:15, there were a good number of desks occupied with my coworkers. When Ryan came out from the new Chief's office alone, I waved him over. Since Montgomery retired, things had been a little tense. Since I'd yet to spot Esposito this morning, I had to wonder where he'd been sent. Ryan's eyes drew to my stomach as he stopped beside me.

"Stop looking at it." I protest. His eyes snap to mine, guilty.

"Sorry." He tells me in the sheepish tone he so often uses when cornered.

"Where's Esposito?" I quip.

"Went to pick up financials downstairs." I nod in understanding, thankful he hadn't been sent off to do mindless tasks. We'd all but got a suspect cornered, all we need to do is find the proof he paid someone off, so the prospect of financial proof lit up my outlook for the day.

"Good." I tell him, spinning to stare at the murder board and waving him back to his desk. This one is coming together nicely. I give it a good once over before accepting I haven't missed any cracks before I head back to my own desk and sink into my chair. The baby shifts and wiggles just a bit as I stare at my phone.

It almost seems to beg for me to pick it up. With a sigh, I finally give up and punch in the transfer code and Lanie's extension.

"Hi." I say after she greets me.

"Hey Momma." She chirps. The little comment brings a small smile to my face, along with a blush.

"Not yet."

"What's going on? Another body?" She asks, and I can hear her rustling around.

"No. I just, it sounds crazy, but things are weird." I explain.

"What?"

"I swear someone else's soap was in my shower this morning." Her answering laugh is frustrating, I'm totally losing it. "No, I'm serious." I scold.

"You think Castle is dumb enough to cheat on you?" She asks, clearly confused. That wasn't what I'd been implying at all.

"No. No, nothing like that." I dismiss the absolutely ridiculous thought. "And now, I just can't shake this intense feeling like you needed to talk to me. Seeing as you haven't interrupted me with some breaking news, I imagine that was all in my head too."

"Hm." She pauses, I wait. "I can't think of anything I needed you to see or hear." It's exactly as I expected.

"Am I going crazy?" I whisper as my desk neighbor arrives.

"Probably just the hormones." She whispers back to me, a tease in her voice, mocking my need to whisper.

"Shut up, Lanie." I tell her, a little relieved my best friend doesn't think I've gone off my rocker.

"Anytime you need me." She promises as we hang up. I've barely released the handle into its cradle when Esposito steps off the elevator, holding the folder he retrieved from Financials up like a prize.

"Got something!" He promises as Ryan rises and the three of us pour over the folder at my desk.

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><p>It's nearly 12:30 after the suspect has cracked and confessed. I'm still fuming over a comment he uttered when I first entered Interrogation, Esposito by my side as Ryan observed from behind the glass. "Scraping the bottom of the barrel if they're using baby-makers." I'd nearly jumped him. The only thing that had stopped me was the second strong ache from my left side. It was nothing like the crippling pain the night before, but it was still enough to freeze my body in its tracks.<p>

I turn the corner and spot his head immediately, seated in the chair I can't seem to move from beside my desk. He's joking with the people around him, looking refreshed. I'm already exhausted, and he'll know it. I brace myself for the lecture as I breeze around him and sit in my chair. He'd rather I be on leave, but I put my foot down and scheduled it to start just 2 weeks before the baby's due date. I've got four weeks to put up with his complaints, but it will give us all more time together after the baby comes.

"Bad day?" He asks, his eyes scanning my face.

"No. We got him." I tell him.

"You look like hell." Rick points out.

"I'm starving." I change the topic, pointing at the white bags that litter my desk. "What did you bring me?"

"Us." He adds, fearing for his lunch. Then produces sandwiches, and to my delight, baked fries from my favorite sandwich shop. Early in the second trimester, I'd been hit with heartburn anytime I consumed deep fried foods. Rick found a place that baked fries in a large old pizza oven. They were quite possibly the best fry I'd found, deep fried included.

When I unwrap my turkey and swiss on rye, I'm shocked to find it's Turkey and Cheddar on the dark bread. I cock an eyebrow up at the weird cheese combination. "What did you order me?" I ask in confusion. His eyes dart to mine as I point at the cheese.

"Turkey and Cheddar on Rye. You always want that." He offers.

"Seriously?" I ask, confused.

"You claim it's great. Are you okay? Really?" He finishes quietly.

"Castle." I huff, giving up and taking a bite.

"Castle?" He asks, worry straining his face. "Kate, you are really freaking me out." He confesses, food untouched as I tuck into mine. I sit for a minute, chewing a fry as I examine that slip. I believe that's the third time in 24 hours the neglected name has reemerged from my lips.

"I'm a little worried myself." I tell him honestly when my mouth is clear. "Things have felt weird all day."

"Do you think the baby's okay?" Rick asks, finally picking up his sandwich. I take it from his hands and set it down, fitting his palm snuggly to the portion of my stomach where his son is protesting the amount of real estate available. He grins, a little reassured.

"Fine." I confirm, as he traces a circle before moving back to his sandwich and I go on, "I've just had weird _mental_ feelings all day. Everything else seems normal to everyone but me." I provide.

"And the ache?" He asks.

"It's been manageable, nothing like before. Seems like a little dull ache here and there, and seems worse every few hours, then it gets suddenly better. I should probably go in, but I'm certainly not dying." I explain. Rick takes the explanation well and we eat silently for a few minutes. I'm surprised by the sandwich. I rather like the cheddar, it's a new flavor. My pregnant taste buds seem to enjoy weird things it seems.

When my break has finished, I walk him to the elevator. It opens empty and he steps in, holding the door for a moment to wish me good bye. "Ride me down?" He asks. I nod and step beside him. When the doors slip closed Rick's arm pulls me close to him. I tilt my head up as his comes down and slides hotly across my mouth.

"I'm going to be thinking of this all afternoon now." I groan as his lips release mine.

"That was the plan."

"Jackass." I tell him.

His hands fly to my belly, covering it as if it has ears. "He's going to come out swearing." Rick protests. "He hears everything."

"I know, I know." I sigh, "But his little brain doesn't know what it means. He just likes to hear us." I offer as the baby wiggles. I take his hands off my stomach as the pain creeps in again. When the door opens and he steps out, I grimace.

"You okay?" His concern for me always makes me smile, even if it gets annoying.

"Yeah." I breathe. "Little Braxton and heart burn." I provide as an excuse, rubbing on my left side where the ache is heavy.

"Call the doctor, I can meet you there anytime." He offers and for once the overprotective nature doesn't seem so suffocating. I nod and give him a little smile and wave as the doors shut. The pain is pretty bad and completely unrelated to a Braxton Hicks contraction or heart burn. It's clearly behind the baby and it burns, I brace my hands on the railing in the elevator. It's nothing like last night, but it's bad enough that I worry. I take a few gulping breaths as the elevator car rises up and the pain starts to recede.

When the doors open and I release the handles to step off, it's backed off considerably. Still, I sit down at my desk and dial up the OB's office. I need to be seen.

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><p>Four hours after taking their stand together, there was very little change in their friend's condition post-surgery. Other than a trip down the hall to the bathroom, both had refused to leave her side. The medical staff breezed in and out, the world moved along without them.<p>

"Why does her blood pressure go up like that?" Castle asked Lanie after a nurse had left following a dose of pain meds. Every two hours like clockwork they were medicating her through the IV line.

"It's the stress." She offered.

"From pain?" He asked heart heavy, as he stared at a motionless Beckett, her heart rate steady.

"'Fraid so." Lanie offered. A sigh came from Castle's lips.

"I wish she would wake up and tell them before it got that bad." He complained.

"Me too." His friend offered wistfully. "Me too."


	4. Chapter 4

**It's summer time! Leave me a review so I stay inside to write.**

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><p>"They're going to have me come in at three." I relay over the phone.<p>

"What did they say?"

"The nurse played 20 questions, trying to determine if it was worthy of the ER. But, I assured them he was fine and that I was 100% sure it was not him causing the pain."

"Okay, I'll meet you there."

"I've got to go." I tell him with a pause, "I love you."

"Love you too, see you at 3." Rick promises.

I look around the bullpen, no longer self-conscious about sending my love over the phone. Sure they'd talked and teased, but it's amazing how a growing baby bump silenced it all. The day I showed up, to big to hide the evidence any longer, was the first day I got peace. Of course, I had several dozen cops eyeing the bump suspiciously, still too nervous to ask straight out. In the week that had followed I'd repeated the due date so many times I was ready to stand on a chair and shout.

I tap my pen, working through the mountains of paperwork that pile up so rapidly after a case closes. It takes me a few bubbles to notice, but I'm pretty sure the baby has hiccups. I smooth a hand over his mound, and smile.

He's so real.

I have such a hard time sticking to business when the littlest Castle is making his presence known. I know I should focus on work, but the reality of him seems to overtake me whenever we don't have an active case. I smile as it plays out.

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><p>I hadn't realized quite how late I was, until Lanie mentioned my lack of chocolate. Every month, on our Friday lunch 'dates', I finished the meal with a Hershey's bar from a news stand on the walk back. She politely pointed out that it'd been a while since I'd needed it. I'm fairly certain she already knew, somehow. We'd stopped at a Walgreens and the little box haunted me all afternoon. After the bulk of the bullpen had cleared and Castle had departed, I'd snuck it into the bathroom and peed. When that stick had produced two pink lines, nearly the instant I'd peed on it, I had been horrified.<p>

Horrified doesn't even begin to cover it really. How was I going to have a baby? Rick and I couldn't even agree on the best route through traffic, how would we raise a child?

Then I'd cried. I'd cried because I wanted it. I'd cried because I didn't want to risk a little person's emotional well-being if something would happen to me at work. I was a cop. I wasn't a mother.

I wasn't a fiancée, a wife or even what I'd consider a girlfriend.

Nope, we'd fallen into something I considered comfortable. Neither of us confessing to love. Neither of us willing to go more than a few days without following each other home for mind blowing sex. Mind-blowing, _careful_, sex. The little fact nagged my mind. I had no idea when the pregnancy had materialized; we'd always used a condom. Thinking back, I tried to remember which suspects I'd come down harshly on because of a mood swing with my period. The last I could recall was nearly 7 weeks before. The thought sent a flutter through my heart. I was a horrible mother already, not knowing when my body had started creating a child.

I'd cried until I laughed. Then, with care I'd tucked all the wrappers into my purse, the glaringly positive stick joining them. I'd marched to my desk, the precinct floor now deserted after 5pm on Friday. A little Google and I'd refreshed my knowledge on ovulation and pregnancy dates. I was most certainly pregnant. Probably close to 7 weeks the way they dated, with the embryo growing for the last 5 of those weeks. A quick read and I'd realized the tiny thing growing inside of me already had limbs and the start of fingers and toes.

As horrifying as the thought was, I was having a baby.

I'd stood outside his door, afraid to knock for long moments. My phone began to ring from my purse, his personalized ringtone announcing the face behind the call.

"How long are you going to stand out there? I saw you walk up." He'd asked. I'd planned to tell him face to face, thus my anxiety outside his door. But the words fell out before I could stop them.

"I'm pregnant."

The door had opened shockingly fast. And I stood there, scared to death for the three of us, as he looked at me. I put my phone away, his dangled in his hand. He finally closed his mouth and I stepped around him inside. When he finally managed words questioning the situation, I handed him the stick. Castle's eyes had darted from stick to my face about three times before it had clattered down onto his kitchen counter and his lips had found mine.

Three days later we'd stared at our tiny baby's heart fluttering on screen.

Three weeks after that we managed to tell each other our situation was more than just comfort, it was love. Somehow he'd become almost exclusively Rick to my Kate.

Three months after that I'd quietly moved into his place, comfortable with what we'd fallen into. And just in time to pull out the maternity clothes.

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><p>Shaking the memories from my mind, I plowed back into the paper work. Composing a pile for the prosecutor who would handle the case and a pile to file away in the hard stacks. I'd finally made some progress when the phone rang.<p>

"You leaving?" He asked, not bothering to wait for my hello.

"Just packing up." I lied, glancing at the computer monitor's clock and realizing I'd need a crazy cabbie if I was going to get to the hospital with enough time for the paper work.

"I'm heading out now."

"Okay." I finish and dismiss him. I breeze in and out of the locker room, stopping only briefly to let Ryan and Esposito know I'm taking the afternoon off. I'd already let the new Captain know hours before when I'd made the appointment.

I flag a cab, though I consider taking a car and letting the lights breeze me through traffic. I've settled myself in and fussed with the seatbelt around my stomach. "Weill Cornell Medical Center, NY-Pres." I inform him as we pull away.

"Do I need to hurry?" The cab driver asks, suspiciously eyeing my protruding belly.

"Only because I'm supposed to be there at three." I tell him with a smile. "I'm not in labor."

"Good." He tells me, though the frequent checks he makes in the mirror suggest he doesn't quite believe it.

When we pull up, Rick is waiting. I pay and tip the driver as he opens the door and holds out a hand. I dismiss him. I can still get out on my own, it just takes a well-placed foot and a little effort.

I might live there. I might love him. I might be 8 months pregnant, but I can get out of my own cab.

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><p><strong>Okay Momma's out there, I need some ideas as my experience is limited. What was the one thing that stuck with you from when you were pregnant? Best, worst or simply memorable? Fair warning, Kate may steal them.<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**I have the best Beta in the world. And she's on vacation! I've stock piled chapters, but I just couldn't wait another minute for the first of many. Any mistakes here are mine alone and will probably be corrected (after I'm punished I'm sure). I'm sorry, I'm sorry B!**

**Leave feedback and kindly ignore mistakes. Afterall, you're being blessed with this early! **

**K**

* * *

><p>"Here's what I think." The doctor told us as I sat in the gown, legs folded neatly at my ankles. "The baby heart rate is great, everything seems fairly normal with you."<p>

"But it has to be something." Rick interrupted.

"Usually." The doctor acknowledged. "I think a basic blood panel and an ultrasound is in order."

"What do you think it is?" I asked hesitantly.

"Kidney stones." The doctor dismissed. "They're more common in pregnancy for some women because of the drastic calcium increase. The tech will take a good look at your kidneys and give the baby a once over to be safe." I nod, and Rick immediately smiles. We may be in a stressful situation, but he loves seeing the baby. I couldn't get him to stop showing the last pictures to everyone, including me, and I'd obviously been there.

"Let's go." He practically cheers, then corrects himself into a more serious mood as he stands. I pull on my bottoms and the doctor delivers us to their in suite ultrasound department after stopping to have a blood draw. In only a few minutes the monitors are roaring to life with the thunder of our baby's heartbeat.

I can never quite get enough of seeing him. It's probably just the run of the mill new mother fears, but I don't ever want to lose sight of him.

The technician makes chit-chat as she gives him a good once over. Checking his growth and looking closely at the placenta to be sure there isn't a rupture or detachment. When she pauses to ask if we already know the sex, I nod.

"He's still a boy right?" Rick asks and I laugh.

"Yes, definitely." The woman responds before moving on.

"Jacob?" He offers.

"No. Andrew?" I counter.

"No. Joey?"

"For my Mom?" I ask as the tech prints us a picture and offers me towelling for the gel. She's wordlessly moving us onto my kidneys and giving us an opportunity to hash out names in her silence.

"Gladly."

"Too much." I explain and think through the list of names I left sitting on the nightstand beside a name book. "Ben."

"No. Westin?" He counters.

"Save Westin." I offer, "But I'm not saying yes." His grin is triumphant as he whips out a notepad app on his phone, adding it to our short list of maybe's.

"I like Ben. I have one of my own." The tech smiles, before instructing me to sit up as she flattens the bed completely and instructs me to roll over on my side. I sigh and endure the long scan of my kidneys.

When she's finally finished, we've managed to add 3 other maybes to the list as Rick spent the time flipping through the top 100 baby boy names. I hate that phone, but it often occupies us while we wait.

"So?" I ask on pins and needles. I've heard her click and measure more things than I imagine are normal.

"I didn't see any stones and you don't have any blockage from your kidneys to bladder. Nothing looked swollen either." I feel frustrated. How can there be nothing. "I'd take that as good news." She suggests**. **

"Where do I go now?" I ask, pulling up the large waistband of my pants and tugging my shirt back on as she turns her back.

"You'll head back to an exam room so you can talk to the doctor and see if your blood draw is finished running. Maybe there's something there."

* * *

><p>It's after five when we finally leave. I'm starving, the baby is kicking and I've got a headache. Not a thing popped up on the blood work. No excess calcium and all the other flags for stones came back at normal levels. The only oddity the entire visit was that I was slightly anemic. My doctor had added an extra iron tablet and suggested I keep a log of the foods I eat and when the pain occurs. She hinted, that maybe they were just Braxton Hicks contractions, but I'd had plenty in the past and that just didn't seem right.<p>

"I'll take you to dinner." Rick offers as we walk towards his car.

"I'd rather just go home."

"Should I have something delivered?" He asks.

"Yeah. Thai." I sigh as I sink into the passenger seat. He studies me for a moment, before giving up and backing us out. I lean my head against the head rest and let my eyes flick closed.

* * *

><p>"Wake up." He squeezes my hand. I blink and look around at the realization that we've found our way into our home parking garage. The time seems to have just gone, I don't remember anything. No half-awake stops and starts at lights. No honking and lane switches that I know rush hour traffic must have brought. It's almost as if the time has disappeared.<p>

"That was fast." I mutter.

"You were out cold. I called your name three times." He tells me as we head towards the elevators.

"I've got a little headache." I tell him. "You know how I hate when things aren't resolved."

"You're both fine. They can't find anything wrong. That's resolution." He promises.

"Probably just a pulled muscle or more intense contractions."

"You've got to stop working." He complains.

"I'm pregnant, not disabled. I'm not working in the field. I'm staying at my quiet little desk with the board for company." I tell him defensively. "I'm not going to risk him. If anything, staying home is going to risk your safety as I go stir crazy and get fat... Fatter." I edit.

"You're not fat." He tells me as the doors open to our floor. I step off the elevator and he pulls me to him. His hands hold onto my firm belly. "It's all him. Our giant love child." He teases as he presses his lips to mine. The tease dies quickly as his lips part and draw me into the spiral of lust and love again.

* * *

><p>"Kate, wake up." Castle whispered in her ear. "Four hours is long enough." He pulled back and looked at Lanie. Four hours had dragged passed following surgery, it seemed like a lifetime. He could tell by the strained looks that passed between the staff members as they checked in that they didn't like it either.<p>

"You should get something to eat."

"You should too." Lanie protested.

"I promise to go when you come back."

"One of us always stays." He assured.

"Yeah. One of us always stays." She vowed as she rose. Lanie slung her large black purse over her shoulder. Her footsteps lingered at the door. "I'll be right back." She promised out loud, but it was quite clear she wasn't promising her return to Castle.


	6. Chapter 6

**You made it! The wait is over. :)**

**My beta's back in town and tells me this is hot. I think it's hot. **

**BUT!**

**If the idea of a pregnant woman having sex freaks you out... run away. I'd skimmed over it in previous chapters, but this is a little more detailed and being one of my stories there will be more in future chapters. **

**Enjoy or depart. :)**

* * *

><p>"Oh. God. Rick." I whispered breathlessly as he whisked us quickly into a foam of sex tension along the path from the hall to his bedroom. I was fairly certain that if I just pressed my legs together right, the little seam there would be enough to push me over the edge.<p>

Somehow we managed to strip his shirt and mine. "Hurry." I whispered as he yanked my pants and underwear free. My breath came in gasps and he knew how embarrassed I got when I came before he'd even unwrapped his cock. His clothing followed as I leaned back on the bed. His lips tugged desperately through the lace covering my nipple. I hissed and arched up on the bed. His answering chuckle was not meant to mock, but simply showed his enjoyment.

"Kate." He told me, voice strained, "Roll over."

"Oh God." I almost sobbed as I turned and he desperately shifted pillows around for support. Before I could even warn him how close I teetered, he'd dragged his erection through the pool of moisture and nudged my clit. The orgasm that sprang free as he shifted and sunk in deep had me gasping and clutching the sheets for dear life.

"Fuck." He answered through the tight, pulsing fog, "Love you." He moaned, his hands wandering and pinching a nipple. Our familiar sounds filled the room as his body and mine slapped together in a hot, pounding rhythm. With every thrust his balls swung forward and hit my swollen clit. I came again before I'd even completely recovered from the last. But to my frustration, he slowed.

"I love you." I gasped again, feeling every inch of him slide in and out as he tried to prolong the pleasure for both of us. "I love you." I sighed again, turning my head the best I could to look at him. This sent him sputtering back to life at full force.

"Kate. Kate. Kate." He mumbled and I recognized the little sound starting at the back of his throat before he came with a strangled groan. We both sighed as he rolled out and over, mopping up his part of the mess with a tissue. I laid and looked at him, not really caring that I'd probably leave a wet spot and we'd fight about it while changing the sheets later. The baby kicked insistently, awake and wired from the activity.

"I'm too old for this." He laughs, half-serious, half-joking as he sits up in the bed.

"You weren't complaining before." I defend. His eyes soften and he bends over the bed to kiss my lips in apology. When he rises and his back cracks, we both laugh. "Maybe you are a little old for dealing with all this."

"I think that was a new record." He offers, thinking back to this morning and ticking off fingers in account of my orgasms. "You may kill me before he's born."

"You started this one." I protest as I gather some clothes and head into the shower.

He plants a little pat on my ass as I walk past him. "That I did."

* * *

><p>A strong rolling cramp started in my left side not long after I'd stepped into the shower's spray. Before I knew what was happening, it had spread into my uterus. It clung only to the left side and passed quickly as I sucked air. It hadn't felt like the Braxton Hicks contractions I'd become used to over the last several weeks, nor had it felt like the searing pain I'd had lately. Instead it seemed to be a blend of my recent unexplained pain and the false labor. A few flicks inside my belly as I rinsed the soap from my body assured me the little nameless baby was still happy.<p>

I hummed a little song from the radio as the hot water sloshed down over me. The day had taken its toll. With a final sigh, I turned off the water and climbed out of the shower stall. I looked longingly at the large jet tub in the corner. My OB had informed me that baths were okay, as long as they weren't hot enough to make a person sweat because the fetus couldn't sweat like its Mama could. I'd still been very leery and had only indulged a few times.

Pulling on some pajamas and one of Rick's old loose t-shirts, I padded out into the living room. I'd settled down with a home improvement channel when Rick popped his head out of the office. "Food should be here soon." He promised. I made a satisfied noise from my throat.

"Where's Lex?"

"She called to say she was studying with Bree." He echoed out.

"'Kay." I answered. I watched with awe as the show's host explained how to use tape to create interesting paint patterns. I smiled as I thought of the nursery we'd started upstairs. It would be a long while after his birth before we used it. A little bassinet sat in a box in our bedroom, ready to be put together. We would let him sleep there in the beginning. "Maybe we should have done something besides blue." I suggest as the doorbell rings and Rick scurries to the buzzer to let the man up.

"It looks good." He tells me with passion. And I agree, though I still wonder if there is something missing.

We eat the Thai food as we watch Dancing with the Stars. The chili peppers taste amazing as I nibble them along with the other veggies and the perfectly spiced chicken. Rick welds his little light saber chopsticks like a pro, as I settle in with the wooden pair from the take out bag. I tease him that he looks ridiculous, but he doesn't care as the pair on stage twirl and step.

"We should take lessons." He suggests, mouth chewing a bunch of noodles.

"We could." I say, running a hand over my stomach. "Burns a lot of calories. It would be nice to leave him with someone a few times a month." His red chopsticks tap my belly and he smiles.

"I don't want to leave him yet." He grins. "But maybe when he's older."

"And born." I giggle, then want to slap myself for it. I love being pregnant, but the mood changes and swings are making it hard to remember just who I am. Kate Beckett doesn't giggle.

I abandon my food in search of a bottle of Tums reluctantly. I can't shake the spicy craving, but it's made my already present heartburn feel a thousand times worse. Another one-sided contraction breezes through my belly and a quick look at the clock reveals that it's been nearly 2 hours. When they'd first started I'd panicked so badly that I'd had to record them to assure myself I wasn't having more than 6 per hour like the doctor advised. It had been pointless; I'd only had a few each day. Still, I always watched the clock when they were noticed. Just in case.

It wasn't long after the show had ended that my eyelids drooped and Rick had to drag me off to bed. He tucked me in, promising to be in soon to take up his role as pillow. He just wanted to finish up a chapter he'd started this afternoon before the appointment.

"Okay." I mumbled sleepily. "Can you build his bassinet tomorrow while I'm gone?"

"Yes." He told me, his hand lingering over his son.

* * *

><p>Lanie returned with a styrofoam container. "I brought you something." She told him with a smile. "They've got a really neat visiting chef. He was making Thai."<p>

"Is it good?"

"Very." Lanie promised, popping the lid on the container and offering a fork. The spicy smell filled the room and he ate while Lanie flicked the TV. Stopping briefly on ABC as the commercial for Dancing with the Stars' next season rolled before moving on to CSI to mock the medical terms and horrible practices.

* * *

><p><strong>Did you know they make Light Saber Chopsticks? They do. We've got several sets, including a red pair that magnetic link together so you can goof off once you're stuffed full of sushi. Do a little search and have a little fun. Just don't make the noises if you take them along when you go out to eat. People will think you're nuts. :)<strong>

**Also I have no idea if CSI and Dancing are on a the same time. I'm not a big CSI fan, and it seems like it's always on... so I decided it's probably playing on some channel or cable channel to annoy me. **


	7. Chapter 7

_She needed to hurry. It was dark as she raced around the helicopter. But not dark enough that she didn't notice the blood. There was so much and it was everywhere. Her vision blurred and she blinked away the clouding tears, putting the scene into more focus. She watched in horror as the bodies amongst the blood turned into faces she knew. The John Doe she'd put behind bars last year. And._

_No._

_Roy Montgomery. Her Captain. Her friend, covered in his own blood. She fell to her knees and sobbed, touching his body. A body that no longer lived._

_This couldn't be happening. It just couldn't._

_No._

* * *

><p>"Nooooo!" I shout, jerking awake. Tears wet my face, adrenaline coursing through my veins as I shudder. The baby kicks and elbows, every one of his limbs seems to be squirming about.<p>

"You okay?" Rick asks, touching my arm as I shake.

"No." I cry, the tears warm and wet coming fresh anew. "Montgomery was killed."

"It was just a dream. You can call and check in the morning." He assures me and I nod. "Evan?" He offers the name.

"Hate it." I tell him as I climb from the bed to seek out the bathroom. Again.

"I'm just going to keep trying." He calls from the dark bedroom.

Sitting on the toilet, I'm not surprised by the false contraction that strikes me, especially since it's mainly on the left side. Maybe that's all it'd been after all, Braxton Hicks contractions. It's just, what I'm experiencing now is so different than what I had before. Kidney stones seem more plausible, but again, there was no evidence there either.

I sigh. And close my eyes as I wash my hands. The blood is fresh and red behind the lids, long after the dream has ended. It felt so real.

* * *

><p>On the way into work I call Roy. We chat for only a few minutes before he disconnects to get his kids to school. I can't even describe my relief. I'm in a good mood when I arrive at the station.<p>

When the elevator doors open and I step into the bull pen, I'm surprised to find Ryan perched on my desk. "Waiting for me?" I ask and he stares, again at the belly. I make a throat clearing noise, and point up at my face.

"Sorry." He mumbles, running his left hand over his face, the gold band catching the light.

"Did you need something? New case?" I ask, hopeful despite the fact that my phone was silent on the way in.

"Ah, I want to talk to you."

"Okay?" I encourage.

"I think Jenny's pregnant." He tells me, an unreadable mix on his face. I can't read him as I flop into my chair.

"What does Jenny think?" I chuckle, powering up my computer.

"I haven't told her."

I laugh again, and a little knot forms in my side, my left side. I absently rub it. "Usually the woman knows first." I explain.

"You didn't. Lanie knew first."

I glare, point taken but not happily. "What makes you think she's pregnant?"

"I remember when you were, you know, only _a little_ pregnant. And you smelled that cigarette on Jones across the room."

"I still smell it when he sneaks one." I add, thinking back to the time before I was _a lot_ pregnant.

"Well, she hates my cologne all of a sudden." I listen and then lower my voice.

"Were you trying to get pregnant?"

"No. She's on the pill."

"Do you want there to be a baby?" I ask, softer still. His gaze falls to my belly and then lingers up to my face.

"Yes."

"Bring her dinner, bring it up." I offer light-hearted. Honestly I'm tempted to send him home with a camera to seek out her birth control pill pack so I can evaluate the situation myself and then send him to the pharmacy for a package of tests.

He looks a little more composed as he heads back to his own desk. I smile and tap the side of my belly as the baby kicks me gently.

"Ethan?" I ask him, "Collin? Help us out kid." I tell him before my phone rings.

A body drop.

* * *

><p>My feet hurt when I get home. It's nearly 8. My ankles are swollen, but I reassure myself, I can still see the definition of my calf. They're not cankles. Whew.<p>

"You didn't answer your phone." He tells me, looking defeated from the office doorway.

"Sorry." I tell him and mean it. It had died hours before.

"Everything alright?"

"Open and shut. Boyfriend confessed the minute we got him to interrogation." I flop onto the sofa and put my feet up, "But the boys had to track him all over town with some uniforms."

"You didn't go?"

"Of course not." I tell him honestly. "The victim, he'd done some freaky things to her."

"You like freaky." He offers as he sits on the coffee table and carefully rubs each arch. I moan.

"She was pregnant." I tell him as I struggle to hold off the tears. "I'm not sure he even knew, but Lanie found it." His arms are around me before I can even release the first sob.

"Oh, Kate." He tells me and pulls me up. "I think you need a bath."

"Not too hot." I remind.

"There's some leftovers." He encourages. "Eat, I'll get the tub set." I nod and head into the kitchen as he heads for the bath.

* * *

><p>I drop my shirt and pants as I head through the bedroom toward our master bath. Clad in my underwear, I halt when I spot it sitting against the wall. Rick has carefully built the little bassinet. I touch the soft blue sheets and ribbon and I'm startled from the reverie with his voice. "I even washed them with that baby soap you bought." He tells me with pride. I turn to him and a sob slips free again.<p>

"I hate this." I protest, swiping the tears. "I'm sick of crying. I want him out so I can be me again."

"Let him get a little bigger before you evict him." He tells me, kissing my lips. A devilish smile creeps across his lips before he adds, "You look really hot with belly baggage." I scoff and brush him off. Stripping off my underwear and bra, I slide into the deep jetted tub. I won't run the jets today, but judging from the amount of bubbles he's managed to put in here, I suspect he ran them or used an entire bottle. Rick stands at the doorway and watches.

"You can come in, but I'll warn you, I'm too tired for sex." I tell him, sinking in deeper. I can see the erection tenting his pajama pants as it thickens. "I mean it." I add, pointing an accusing finger. He nods his understanding and strips down.

He climbs in quietly behind me and does nothing about the erection that presses insistently against the cheek of my ass. I lean back into him, my head resting against his shoulders as he wraps his hands around me and lets them linger over the baby. Rick's finger tips leave a tingling trail across my skin as they dance and play along the little stretch marks and the protruding belly button. Bit by bit my muscles relax and I find myself humming as he picks up the wash cloth and swipes soap across my belly. It's not enough, though I certainly don't have the energy for sex.

God bless his attention to detail. Because he's caught on to my needs.

I gasp as he trails the bubbles up and around my breasts. By the time he ventures down and runs the textured cloth between my thighs, my breath is labored. "Yes," I squeak into his ear. The angle is tricky with my belly and I suddenly find myself shifted forward and away from his chest enough that he can slide his long fingers inside and around. I come hard and sudden, my uterus contracting with the tension. As I come down, he pulls me back against his chest. Erection still burning hot despite the warm water surrounding us.

"That one's on me." he tells me. His voice is soft and serious; I know he means it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Did you know that I've got this saved and almost finished? Lots of chapters to post. Not nearly enough feedback. :) ****There are nearly 100 people following this, yet I've only got 60 reviews and several are repeat posters (thank you!).**

**So... YOU... over there reading this without leaving feedback. Make the writer happy. Too weird? You like? You haven't yet decided? **

**K**

* * *

><p>I snuggled into the bed, sated and exhausted. Physically and mentally drained from the case, and sated from... other things. Rick climbed beside me and worked a knuckle into the back ache that had taken up residence there. I hummed in appreciation before he added a little lotion, sending me to sleep before I even knew what had happened.<p>

The rest didn't last long. The pain, whatever it was, seemed worse whenever I laid down. The annoying little Braxton Hicks contractions often appeared more frequently at night. They'd started spreading across my belly to other locations beyond the pesky left side, but of course more pain seemed to come from that area in general. I'd called to check in with my OB earlier in the day, as the few I'd had sporadically over the day had seemed more painful. She assured me that it was likely just the contractions intensifying as the days of the pregnancy were numbered.

Sitting up in the bed, I look over at Rick. His gentle snore is killing me, all I want is sleep.

I am tired of being pregnant.

I carefully slide from the bed, not wanting to wake him. No use for us both to be miserable.

In the bathroom I pee, again, and take a look in the mirror. Sighing at the shape of me. Sometimes I loved it, sometimes I hated it. "I miss looking normal." I tell the baby and he wiggles at the sound of my voice.

I count two contractions in the 20 minutes it takes me to fall back asleep. But, when there is no third, my eyelids droop and I fall back into dreams.

* * *

><p><em>Things hurt. A lot. I can't help but touch the wound as I see his worried face above me. The cemetery has gone foggy and gleams under a weird film of light. "I love you, Kate. Kate, I love you." He tells me before the blistering pain takes over and everything just stops.<em>

_I'm dying._

* * *

><p>I am completely coated in sweat. Rick is beside me, horrified. I have no idea where I am for a minute. The smell of blood, grass and fresh dirt seems to fill my nostrils, but I'm clearly in our bed.<p>

"Should I call the hospital?" He asks. I blink at him, not knowing what events or words had prompted him to panic. It's simply a blank.

"What?" I ask, chest heaving.

"You were crying, and groaning and struggling to breathe." He says, touching my face as his hands shake. "You just told me you were dying."

"I was having a nightmare." I tell him, having no recollection of the conversation.

"But you really couldn't breathe. I could hear it, Kate. You need to go in." He pleads. My left side is aching. Badly, and it's not letting up as it has so often. I touch there and when my hand comes away damp, I'm actually surprised when it's simply sweat. I was sure somehow there would be blood.

"Yeah." I tell him, sending him leaping from the bed and screaming for Alexis. I sit up in the bed and hiss in pain.

"What is it?" He asks shoving pants on and looking at the phone.

"I don't know." I tell him.

"Is he... moving?" Terror has laced his words.

I poke my finger at my belly, on the less painful side. "Baby?" He doesn't immediately move and I'm suddenly terrified. Tears well up and I sob as Castle reaches for the phone and punches the 3 digit number.

The pain has let up enough that I've managed to get to the couch as Alexis cries and watches out the window for the emergency team. Rick is frantic as he flips through the baby book, I just breathe. Trying to will the baby into moving. My panic should have him kicking. "Ice water." he announces as Alexis flees the window and rushes to the elevator. I know she's spotted them arriving, but she can't talk from the sobs.

I'm taking gulps of ice water when she bursts back through the door, emergency crew on her heels.

"What's going on?" The female EMT asks. I look to Rick before I shrug. I'm still not entirely clear.

"She woke up covered in sweat; she couldn't breathe in her sleep. The baby's not moving and she's in pain."

"It's let up some." I offer, still dazed as the other EMT produces a small doppler. In seconds the baby's heart rate echoes around the room. Alexis sinks to sit against the kitchen counter and rests her head on her knees in relief. Rick bends down to kiss me.

"Baby's fine." The male EMT tells us. "Do you think you're in labor?" I shake my head, doubtful. But another stinging pain flies through me and I gasp. The female in the pair reaches down and palpates my stomach. She smiles.

"That's a real contraction." She promises. I'm suddenly extremely confused.

"I'm not due for weeks."

"Babies pick their own times." She offers. "My first and last were 3 weeks early."

"This is 6!" I protest. "He's too little."

"He'll be little, but fine. We'll bring you in." Rick nods and we all head down. They offer to bring up a cot, but I decline. Alexis promises to gather some things in a bag and meet us there, much more relieved now that the baby is confirmed safe. We hadn't even bothered to pack a hospital bag at this point.

Everything is blessedly calm the ride in. Same with the ride up the elevator. Though I have one good strong contraction while we wait at the Maternity security entrance. The EMT's get us settled and transferred to hospital care before wishing us luck. I wave goodbye and then feel ridiculous.

"I feel stupid." Rick tells me.

"I'm the one who thought I was dying." I offer. He smiles and kisses me before a nurse and a doctor come in to check for progress. I'm strapped to a monitor for the baby's heart rate and the contractions. The baby is fine, but we end up waiting for the contractions.

And waiting.

And waiting.

Alexis beats the contractions with a hastily packed bag. And we wait more.

For nothing.

Four hours and a nap later, they unplug me and tell us to go home and not to come back unless the contractions pick back up for a solid hour. The doctor on call agrees that my work situation is fine, but to listen to my body and take time off if I am uncomfortable. They offer Rick a card to a medical supply place that rent and sell doppler machines, when he asks several dozen questions about the equipment. I have no doubt that he'll be standing there when they open. The event has shaken him to the core.

* * *

><p>I'm tucked back into my own bed by 4am and call the precinct to tell them I will be coming in for a half day in the afternoon so I can get some real sleep.<p>

I'm not surprised to be woken up by Rick and his new toy. I look down to catch him pressing the wand of his new doppler machine to a small expanse of exposed stomach. He grins at me with a guilty smirk before moving it a few inches and revealing the thunder of the baby's heartbeat.

"New toy?" I ask.

"I'm happy now." He offers. "It's too bad they don't sell ultrasound machines so I could look at him too."

"You'll be able to look at him all you want soon enough." I promise, before taking a little peek at the little piece of medical equipment. "What are you going to do with that when he's born and it's useless?"

"Save it for the next one." He answers without missing a beat.

"Easy for you to say, your body isn't being invaded by another human."

"A small human." He adds as I walk away laughing.

* * *

><p>"My turn to ask the questions." Lanie said, taking the phone from Castle and browsing the screen. They'd preoccupied themselves with an app of interesting questions to pass the time.<p>

"Be my guest." He offered as an afterthought, since the phone was already in her hands and her manicured nail tapped to the next page.

"Name 5 items you'd never want to stay away from home without." She read with a smirk.


	9. Chapter 9

**Happy Saturday! I'm off to the local farmers market. :) Wahoo for eating local!**

* * *

><p>I finally managed to get Rick into the office when we returned from the precinct in the evening. "You have a book to finish before your son decides to escape." I told him when we got back; the threat finally hitting home. He'd followed me in for the afternoon, doppler in tow. He wanted to play with his toy. I was annoyed, but finally gave up when he agreed to keep it in my purse unless it was really needed. He trailed me like a puppy the entire day, instead of working on a book that was due before the birth.<p>

The steady click of key strokes coming from the office assures me that he means business now.

Alexis helps me re-pack in the master bedroom while he works. The two of us laughing, as we unpack her hastily compiled bag.

A shirt, 3 kinds of lotion, 4 unmatched socks, a pair of regular jeans I may never fit again and two of Rick's T shirts.

"I was in full blown panic." She offers as I smile.

"First. Chap stick." I tell her. "I need it all the times, and I imagine in labor I'll need the entire tube. Second," I hold up a shirt that unsnaps near the top. It's my favorite and I'm fairly sure I'll be able to nurse in it. "Third, always bring double underwear." I add throwing in a few extra pairs.

"Four." She adds, producing my favorite pair of fuzzy socks and two plain pairs.

"Five." I proclaim from the bathroom and reappear with a new toothbrush I'd picked up for this purpose. We stop counting as I add the other things I'll want and need. I carefully top everything off with a little blue outfit. He's going to need something to come home in. Both of us are relieved when she zips the bag closed and drags it to the door. Rick smiles as we pass through his office.

"Ready?" He asks.

"Not until you guys name him." She teases us both. I follow behind her, protesting that I could have gotten it. "Let's make dinner." Alexis offers and we head into the kitchen together.

* * *

><p>There is an oddly delicious amount of comfort food produced. Baked "fried" Chicken crusted with breadcrumbs and crushed cheese crackers. Mashed potatoes and freshly steamed green beans finish it off. Rick is lured out. The three of us eat together and laugh, though I suspect everyone is watching me.<p>

* * *

><p>The evening quickly dissolves into night. The night into morning. The day into a week and that week into the next. Other than sporadic contractions and a few strings of 5 or 6, things are uneventful. I feel almost like labor is avoiding me. With four weeks to go, I try to focus on the fact that he's growing and growing so he'll be completely ready to greet the world.<p>

There are only two more weeks for me to work. There still isn't a name, though a list of 6 names sits on a note pad, on the refrigerator's white board and in Rick's notebook app on his phone.

I like Westin. Rick's got several he likes more.

Like Zeke. It's not even on the list, I dislike it so passionately. I told him having a child named for the first and last letters of the alphabet will only lead to him wanting a complete set. No way is that happening.

Ryan hasn't said a word about Jenny and it's eating me. I can't decide if he's embarrassed because he was wrong or if he's right and she wants to wait until the second trimester to share the news. I am about 2 seconds from asking him myself if I can just remember.

I stand by the door, watching as they unload our latest suspect from the car. A few people pass by on foot and stop to stare. "Keep moving please." I tell an older lady politely. My voice distracts her from the suspect, and her eyes fall onto my belly.

"Honey, look at you!" She proceeds to extend a hand. I leap back a step.

"Hands off." I tell her, barely containing the snarl. She scrunches her forehead in disbelief but moves on. Esposito is struggling to contain a laugh as we all make our way inside.

"No respect for the bump." He chuckles.

"Yeah." I growl. _Whatever possesses people to touch pregnant bellies without permission is beyond me. You wouldn't touch a non-pregnant woman's stomach, so what makes this okay?_ I text Rick out of frustration. He replies with sympathy, wishing he could make them stop. He even jokes about getting some stickers made.

* * *

><p>When I come home from work I'm pleasantly surprised to find my favorite thin crust pizza, perfectly topped with fresh tomatoes and basil. Alexis, comes down the stairs as we begin to pull pieces onto plates. She carries a small gift bag and plops it down next to me.<p>

"I know it's okay for us." She explains in her own brand of wonderment, "But it's not okay for them." Her hand falls to my belly for just a second and her brother gives her a kick. I smile reassuringly. It is definitely okay for Alexis and Rick. Martha and my father fall into the same category, but since Martha moved into her own place we see both of the grandparents less frequently. I am torn between pizza and a present, the present winning simply because of her expectant face. I'm starving.

I pull out a white maternity top, and across the belly Alexis has created a design. It's a hand, circled and crossed clearly with red, like a no smoking sign. The words "Hands Off" sit below. I almost die laughing. I put it on and model. It fits nicely, with just a bit of space to grow, the logo falling perfectly across my stomach. I plan on wearing it whenever possible.

We all eat as I recount the nasty looks sent and received over the attempted belly grab.

I still struggle with cramps and occasional shooting pain unrelated to contractions. My doctor has been proactive and screened my blood work for kidney stones several times, always coming up empty, and dismissing it as contractions. Thankfully, tonight they are quiet.

* * *

><p>When Rick emerges from his lair on Sunday evening, one of my rare weekends off duty and not on call, he's grinning from ear to ear. I'm sorting through a small load of baby laundry and inhaling the soft smell from the baby soap. I'm not really sure I can get up off the floor, but it was worth it to spread the load around me in a semi-circle.<p>

"What?" I ask, suspicious of his smirk.

"Sent." He replies.

"Sent what?" I ask, still clueless. I find it amazing that my brain no longer connects the hooks and loops like it should. Pregnancy has officially eaten my brain.

"I'm done." He offers, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me lazily after seating himself beside me. "Book free. So, go on, pop him out." I look at him and arch an eyebrow, relaying instantly that it's not quite that simple.

"But you'll have to edit and change what they send back." I protest.

"It's not going to be much. I think it's the best Heat book I've written." He swears. "Let's go for a walk."

"I'm not really in the mood." I offer, going back to sorting.

"I'll help." Rick promises, sitting down and helping me fold tiny onesies in half and ball little pairs of socks. It doesn't take long before he's crafted a model on the floor. A little onesie, pants laid over that, socks below and a little baby hat crowning an invisible head.

"Cute. Now help, really, or find something else to do." I tell him frustrated.

"Sorry." He confesses as he slips two fingers into a pair of blue socks with a single stripe at the cuff and marches his two hands over and up onto my belly. He dances them around and a small smile crosses my lips. He's ridiculous more times than he's serious, but I love him anyway.

"Obviously you've got some pent up energy." I tell him. "A walk it is." With the couch for support and a little roll I've hefted myself up. "I'll change and we can go." He drops the socks into the basket without balling them up and I have to force myself to stay quiet.

"Awesome." He replies before gathering up the folded basket and heading upstairs to stow it away in little drawers. "I'll meet you at the door in five." He tells me as I head off into the bedroom to find a more comfortable shirt.

I find it. The shirt Alexis made me.

No touching.

I shed my button down off and pull on the white shirt. I'm anxious to see how it works. "Good choice." I hear gruff out from behind me. I turn and smile as I pull it over and smooth it down.

"Alexis is amazing. I'm proud to be in her life." I tell Rick.

"I'm proud to have all of you." He tells me as he comes over and pulls me close. His lips find mine and the heat envelopes us. I find myself wet and soft to his hardness in mere moments. I'm trying desperately to connect our pelvises as we stand, belly blocking the way. When I look up at him, his eyes are dilated and sparkling with the little fires that appear when he's turned on. I'm on the bed and naked before I can even process how fast this has gone, and a good amount of his clothing has disappeared as well. He brings me to orgasm twice with his hands and mouth before slipping off his boxers and fitting behind me on our sides. Spooned together his hands roam my breasts and belly, his erection pressing against my back. We know this works and he slides right in. It's amazing as always, but I just can't seem to come. And I need it, desperately, despite the two previous.

"I want to be on top." I tell him in a breathy voice. His gasps tell me I've taken him by surprise. Slipping free, Rick rolls to his back and moans as I straddle him, his penis sliding in easily amongst the wetness. "Feel okay?" I ask, suddenly conscious of how huge I've grown and how much space is consumed by the baby. While the baby isn't super low and I'm proud not to be a waddler, I'm still self-conscious.

"Perfect." He offers with a groan. I sit straight above him and his hands come to my breasts as I rock. It only takes a few thrusts before I know I'm teetering on the elusive orgasm.

"Rick." I hiss, "I love you." I tell him. I can hear the intensity swallowing him, the tiny noise he makes at the back of his throat giving way to something more.

"Kate." He groans before we lose it together. It's blistering and I'm not sure I've ever come so hard in my entire life. We pant and smile together before I roll off and have a fairly intense contraction. He studies my face as it pulls at my belly.

"Wow." I agree several moments later as it begins to diminish.

"Are you going to go into labor now?" He asks with pride, sprinkling light kisses across my body. "The book says sex and semen can move things along. Something about the hormones or something like that in my stuff." He repeats with pride.

"Probably not." I offer, "But I'm taking that book away from you."

"Let's go for a walk then." He chirps. "That's supposed to help, too."

"Let me pee first." I complain, rolling from our mess and heading to the bathroom.

Redressed and on our way Central Park for a nice long walk, I smile as we exit the cab we've taken down. Between often diffictult parking near the Central Park and the hassle of retrieving the car from our parking garage, it's easier to take a cab. His hand presses into mine as we walk. And walk. I have two contractions, but they're nothing like the one in the bed. I'm rather disappointed when we stop to watch some people tossing a Frisbee and the contractions completely let up. I sigh.

"Eventually." He consoles, though I'm not sure who's more disappointed that sex and a walk haven't done the job. "The book said it would help."

"The book hasn't met your spawn." I tease. "This child is difficult and not ready. He'll probably be late. Let's go home." He nods his agreement and we haven't made it even a quarter of a block before a lady comes up to me with a smile. I'm seriously going to lose it if she still tries to touch my belly in this shirt.

"Where did you get that?" She asks, indicating to my favorite piece of clothing. I'm caught unsure how to refer to Alexis. I'm not her mom and she's certainly not my step-daughter even if I do love her. She doesn't come up in conversation with most strangers and everyone else is aware that she's Rick's daughter.

"The baby's sister made it." I explain with relief for finding the appropriate words.

"It's great. She should sell them; I know dozens of moms who would love one."

"She should." Rick agrees as we begin our trek out of the park. I'm laughing when the second and then third woman stop us before we reach a cab stand, the final one is pregnant herself.

"At least no one touched me." I smile as we climb into the cab and head home. The cab driver eyes me suspiciously. I begin to wonder if the whole world thinks pregnant women stay home and only emerge when they're finally in labor. Has no one ever witnessed a pregnant woman walking around with the rest of the living? I'm about to say something vulgar when Rick puts his hand on mine and squeezes. It's all I need.

* * *

><p>Lanie reads the next question in the app twice, before Castle hears her. He's weaseled his hand into Beckett's. Skirting around IV's and pulse-oxy monitors.<p>

"I said, 'The person you'd _least_ like to be stranded on an island with.'" She states louder. With a squeeze of Beckett's hand, Castle looks over to Lanie.

"Gina." He replies curtly, Lanie's mouth dropping open at the implications.

"What the hell does that mean?" His shoulders shrug and he runs his fingertips inside Kate's palm. No longer nervous about touching her in front of her friend, though he knew she'd squeal on him.

"Whatever you want."


	10. Chapter 10

**I don't own _Elizabethtown _(or Castle!) But it's a great movie, look it up!**

* * *

><p>The days seem to blur in an extrodinary spiral that spins by too fast. There are times I feel like screaming for someone to let up on the fast forward button.<p>

I can't seem to get things as clean as I want. Pleading with Rick to call the housekeeper in an extra day each week, instead of just one. I leave her crazy lists including things like _Please drop the throw pillows for dry cleaning_ and _Could you please scrub the grout around the whirlpool tub with bleach_, even though she's done both recently.

One night after work, I can't sleep and I wash all the bedding from our room and vacuum every rug and throw in the house before remaking the bed and collapsing while Rick re-writes.

Another day I organize all the music and video files on the computer, rationalizing that the mostly empty hard drive will not hold enough newborn pictures if I don't.

And yet another occasion I find myself arranging all the DVD's and BluRays by catagory and then alphabetically within each genre.

"You need help." Rick states as I finish off the impressive Sci-Fi section, carefully placing the Star Wars series after the new Star Trek movie.

"No, I just can't decide if I should organize Star Wars by production year or Episode number." I explain, before I realize he's not asking if I need help with the project, but confirming I've lost my mind.

"Episode." He laughs as he walks away.

* * *

><p>It's my last day to work. I try not to cry when my alarm goes off. My last day to feel like a kick-ass detective before I find myself a mother who is also a kick-ass detective. Rick mumbles and then rolls out of bed next to me.<p>

I'm surprised how much larger I feel as I undress for the shower.

And look.

I notice as I examine myself in the mirror. "Come out." I tell him and then edit, "tomorrow." He shifts, pressing against my bladder -that though I've literally just emptied- feels full again.

* * *

><p>I'm freakishly teary as the quiet day draws closer to its end.<p>

Lanie comes in and brings me a pair of little blue and white striped socks, winking at Esposito as she saunters by. His chair slowly glides in a circle as he watches her come and go. She's already bought the little guy enough clothing and diapers to keep him dressed for two years.

I cry when I pack up a few things I don't want to leave sit for the next 12 weeks. Everyone close promises to stop by and keep me company.

Rick takes the box from my hands as we step into the elevator and I wave a little good-bye. Wondering what they're all thinking now that I've left. I wonder how many bets go down that I have the baby in the elevator. I know they've got a pool for the delivery date, Ryan is holding the money. That brings my focus back to him and the tears spring up.

"Ryan still didn't tell me." I sob. Rick looks at me clueless. "About Jenny." I cry in explaination, completely aware that I'm over reacting because of the emotional departure I've just completed. I simply don't care.

"I'm sure he will." He offers, putting the box onto the floor to pull me into a hug. I sniff and wipe at the hated tears.

"At least we're almost done." I promise, patting my belly that has shifted suspicously lower. I had to explain how the baby dropping could happen as early as 4 weeks prior to delivery for first time moms so many times this week, I felt like a tape recorder.

* * *

><p>The next four days pass slowly as Rick tries to keep me entertained. We have plenty of sex and he claims exhaustion despite the fact his eyes are gleaming and those little fires have remained ever present. I get some good contractions, never in a pattern, though sometimes they go on for hours. Jumping around from 20 minutes to 40 and then back again before puttering out and leaving me frustrated.<p>

Alexis steps in the door with a few collapsed boxes and I stare at her in horror. She immediately assumes the worst when I begin to cry and sit down at the table.

"Kate?" She asks, standing nervously nearby, "Are you in labor?"

"No. The boxes." I protest again, wiping tears off my face. "I hope you don't think we're replacing you." I tell her. She smiles and I can already feel the tears drying up.

"I'll miss being here." She laughs, "I'll come home as much as I can. We'll Skype. And you can send me photos."

"Yeah." I resolve, and indicate to the boxes. "Need help?"

"I'd love some. I have no idea what to bring."

Together we head up the stairs, she carries the folded boxes and I carry her brother. I visit one of the smaller upstairs bathrooms, before I join her in her room. We pack and laugh while the baby shifts and tries to stretch, his not-so-tiny limbs pressing and making weird lumps again. I'm seated at her desk, as we wade through her high school and childhood artifacts there. "He's really moving around." I comment and I lift my shirt for Alexis to watch his bulging antics.

"Doesn't that hurt?" She asks as she touches what I can only assume is an elbow or knee. He pulls it back in, apparently satisfied there isn't any extra room he's missed.

"Sometimes. Mostly just discomfort rather than pain." She doesn't look convinced. "The contractions hurt. Nothing horrific, though I imagine when it's the real thing it will be worse." This she believes as she slides open her desk drawer and then shuts it again.

But I've already seen it. A circluar pink case. Alexis is on birth control. I don't know if I should cheer or cry.

"I." She starts, a blush flaring through her ivory cheeks. "Are you going to tell Dad?"

"I'm glad you're being careful. But Ash has been mostly gone for the last 3 months, so I imagine you've been, ah, having sex for a while?" The closest thing I've got to a daughter blushes even deeper, biting her lip in worry.

"We're really careful." She explains, staring at my belly. "I know you guys were careful and it still happened. So we use both." She offers, then fills in the details. "Condoms and the pills." She can't quite look at me, so I touch her hand and keep my butt in the chair. No need to tower over her for intimidation.

"You really love him." I offer, "I understand. But I still think you should talk to your Dad."

"He's going to be mad."

"He's going to be shocked his baby is an adult. It might come out angry, but he loves you and when he realizes the steps you've taken to prevent this," I add pointing down at mass that has taken over my body, "he will be okay." Alexis finally brings her eyes to mine.

"Can't I just avoid it until I leave?" She hopes, I shake my head no as I feel a contraction coming on. "Shit." She says, before pulling the same move her father so often does and clamping her hands over my belly as if it has ears. It's this moment of course, my uterus has cramped into a ball as it contracts. Her hands fly free and she looks at me as I take deep breaths while it rolls through. "What was that? Should we call Dad?" She asks, already knowing the answers.

"No. No." I tell her anyway, "He's in a meeting. Besides, this happens all the time. It never goes anywhere." I sigh. "We need to pack." Alexis is unsure, but her departure looms very closely.

"Okay." She tells me with a shaking voice. Reopening the desk drawer and moving the evidence between her mattress and box spring before moving on.

We go about collecting things and stuff she'll want and need on the west coast. Twice I catch her studying me, trying to determine if I'm in labor.

"I'm not." I tell her, "Not a thing more." It's the honest truth. "I don't think my body knows how to do it right." I add sheepishly.

"He's just not ready." She offers.

It's not lost on me when she avoids him through dinner. Instead we all opt for a movie and I decide to give her a break tonight to compose her thoughts. It's one of my favorites and I watch it wrapped up in the memories of my mother as the character on screen finds peace with his father. _Elizabethtown_.

"It's too bad he's a boy." I smile, "I like Elizabeth." I tell Rick as he curls up beside my belly.

"I like it, too." He grins. "Maybe the next one."

My stomach tightens, but its quite light and I barely realize it. He taps on my stomach, knowingly. "It's fine." I tell him, watching for a red hat on screen.

"She had a really bad one this afternoon." Alexis adds, sipping on her water. "But she didn't have any more." Her trailing comment has saved her and I give her a look.

"I'm tired," I pout while getting up, "not in labor."

"You don't want to see the end?" Alexis asks, knowing how close the movie is to wrapping. I shake my head and wish them good night.

* * *

><p>My dreams are extremely vivid that night. And the pain is nagging.<p>

* * *

><p><em>I stand, looking at my Captain's family. The Montgomery's without a patriarch. Watching as they wordlessly hand his widow a flag and she sobs. I swallow a large lump in my throat from the strangled tears. This hurts. I turn and see him beside me. The person I've come to realize is always at my side when I take a stand. <em>

_Castle. For a moment I'm confused why he isn't my Rick. _

_And then I realize, that here, I haven't reached that point with him. Rick sneaks in and out, while Castle lingers. _

_Today, there is no Josh. He's previously taken a flight across the ocean, somewhere too far to make it back in support. I'd told him not to come back to me at all._

_The dirt and grass crunch under my feet before finding their spot so I can speak. I'm not shocked this time when the shot connects with my stomach. Somehow I knew this was coming. The same loop of a dream. _

_I push it all away, trying to move backwards to a time and memory I know is real. All it does is send me into another part of the dream, running to the helicopter, finding the bodies and the blood. Blood that I should be immune to, but impacts me deeply, realizing it belongs to a friend._

_I push backwards even more. _

_This time, I find myself in an unfamilar place that mirrors the apartment I gave up to move in with Castle. With Rick, I correct mid-dream. _

_But it's not the Rick I've got now. It's my Castle and we're fighting. The hurt is tugging on my heart, but I can't give it up. I don't know who I am without chasing the man behind the murder._

_"We kiss, and we never talk about it. We nearly die frozen in each other's arms, but we never talk about it, so no, I got no clue what we are!" He throws. The words sting. But they're true. Somehow, without a memory of this event, I know._

_It's true. It's happened._

* * *

><p>I wake to a throb in my back. I'm stiff despite the pillows I've wedged around. I groan once as I get up and after using the bathroom uneventfully, I gulp some water and dream of real pain killers. Tylenol does crap for the muscle aches. I shift my hips around before giving up and pulling my hair into a pony tail and entering the shower stall.<p>

I lean against the smooth bricking as the heat pelts my back and loosens the muscles. I run my hands over my stomach. "I love you." I tell him and suddenly jerk at the flash of Castle, not Rick, above me and begging _"I love you Kate. Kate, I love you."_

The memory floods in and I'm left shattered and in tears. I just _know_ it's true. I just _know_ it's happened.

My friend and Captain is dead. His wife now a widow, his daughters without a father. We stood to bury him. I gave a speech.

And someone shot me. My hands fly right to the spot the bullet sunk in. My left side. I trace the skin carefully, feeling for a scar, a missing patch of skin or blood. My palms are filled with nothing but a quiet baby beneath muscle and skin.

I twist the shower off and fly to the mirror, pulling the same exam with sight. There is nothing, except a huge baby bump. Grabbing a hand mirror, I look at the backside. There's absolutely nothing.

He's really dead. I _know_ it.

But was I?

Suddenly the panic over takes me. Was I actually dead and in hell? Was I going to be pregnant forever as a sentence? I was so miserable it just seemed plausible.

I start pulling on my sleep clothes, not bothering to dry my skin, they roll and bunch from the moisture but I don't care. It doesn't matter that Roy and I talked last week after the first nightmare. I just _know_. This is wrong. This, _this time I'm in right now_, is wrong.

I take a deep shaking breath as I prepare to open the bathroom door and face the bedroom.

What I see takes my breath away. Rick, my Castle, sitting up bare-chested and brushing sleep from his eyes. He takes in my terrified expression and nearly leaps from the bed.

"Are you okay?" He worries, placing an arm around me. I look into his face and let it out.

"No." I start to sob, "I don't think I'm actually pregnant."


	11. Chapter 11

**I've got this story finished but a lot of it is out at the beta or needs to still be edited. I won't have a chance to get working on them until the weekend... or longer. **

**I however had this one done, so it's going up now and will have to do until I can get back to working on the rest! Maybe Monday? Hopefully I'll get everything finished soon after that so I can just POST, POST, POST and END in a string of days. :) **

**Enjoy**

**-K**

* * *

><p>"Can you feel him move?" Rick asks, digging in the night stand for his little doppler.<p>

"What?" I ask. "He's not real." I cry.

"Look down. Look at your stomach."

"It's not real. He hasn't moved." I sob again. He flicks his phone open while powering on the other little device. Somehow I register that he's called Lex upstairs because she appears in the doorway the same moment he sticks the wand to my stomach. We're met with silence. "SEE!" I nearly scream. I'm suddenly horrified, as he moves the little wand around. I want there to be a baby. I need there to be a baby. How can this be happening?

Alexis is shaking as she starts to dial her phone. And stops when the baby's heart rate finally fills the room. I sob and fall backwards onto the bed, feet still dangling to the floor.

"Call them anyway." Rick's voice booms.

"The baby?" Alexis asks, I can hear the squeak and hitch in her throat.

"I'm just worried about Kate." He says seriously, still holding the doppler against the spot where the baby sits.

"Don't." I tell her, sitting up slightly and brushing Rick away. "I'm fine. I had some really scary nightmares and I took a really hot shower. I must have, I don't know. Freaked myself out when he wasn't moving." I cover. "Really vivid dreams are normal."

"The book does say that." Rick agrees, relaxed enough to put away the phones and the doppler. But the lines around his eyes are still etched deep with worry.

"I just woke up in a lot of pain, physical and mental." I explain, sitting up fully. Everyone seems to have taken it down a notch. The drama and adrenaline fading. The baby, having been quiet since the shower, shifts inside me. "He's moving around."

"Of course he is. He's real. How could this not be real?" He assures me as he sits on the bed beside me. Rick's hand finds the spot where a foot ticks against my skin. He relaxes a little more. "You scared the shit out of me." He tells us both.

"I scared the shit out of me." I answer. No one bothers to cover his 'ears'. Alexis mills at the door before looking us all over.

"I'm going to bed. Kate, I hope you're okay." She tells me honestly. "I don't think I ever want to be pregnant. If it has done this to you, what would it do to me?" Beside me Rick looks startled.

"You are never allowed to be pregnant." He tells her firmly. Then, edits, "In this decade." She laughs her nervous giggle and I look at her, telling her to go with my eyes before he catches anything else.

"Alright, good night. Again."

"Night." We echo as we sit. We stay that way, him wrapped around us for a while.

"I need sleep." I tell him and he agrees as we climb back into bed.

"I've got to get up in 3 hours." He sighs, not really complaining about the situation, but against the injustice of waking up at 5am to have a phone conference with the UK publishing branch.

"Sorry." I tell him.

"Don't be. If you're ever afraid, you need to wake me up. We're in this together." He promises, curling up behind me and putting his palm over my belly. "Always."

* * *

><p>I spend the next three hours not really sleeping while Rick snores in my ear. I'm too uncomfortable from the baby to get back to sleep. And my brain is still trying to wrap around the crystal clear dreams and things I somehow seem to know and feel. I'm completely confused.<p>

The baby in my belly, currently hiccupping, has to be real. I can feel it. I can touch it.

But I still just know, somehow, that Roy Montgomery is dead. And if that's true, then I must have been shot as well. My hand rubs over the spot I just know a bullet has torn through and I become aware of my uterus tightening, yet again.

It hurts, of course, but it's not even as painful as some of the recent ones I've experienced. I know I could talk through it if anyone else was up to listen.

When Rick's alarm goes off, he kisses me softly before heading out of bed. Since the call starts in just 15 minutes, I figure he's going to skip the shower for now and just hit the coffee.

I lay in the bed and I'm not surprised when my uterus contracts again. I hurt all over and I haven't slept. It's just fitting that my body would choose now to tease me with a string of them.

It's somewhere around number eight that I give up and get up, it's nearly 8am now and the conference call should be wrapping up anyway. The tightness in my back has me feeling like a bent over cripple as I get up. I force myself to lean back, thrusting my belly forward as I stretch it out. My hands resting on the back of my hips, thumbs working the tight muscles. It gives me a small margin of relief.

I make the bed and then fuss with the little bassinet. It's has a panel on one side so I can put it flush with the bed and make it a bedside sleeper to keep the baby within arm's reach. I put it beside the bed and smile, before moving it away and putting it back against the wall for now.

Somehow I register that I'm still having contractions, but with the physical activity they seem almost too mild to count as such. I figure the next few will be barely registered as their intensity tapers off before vanishing. Pulling some clothing from drawers, I head into the shower and stare at the bathtub.

What I really wanted was a screaming hot bath, instead of the wussy ones with the temperatures barely above 100F I'd become accustomed to over the months.

I sigh and assure myself that it won't be much longer.

The shower feels great and I only have one contraction I can recognize while I lean in the spray. Letting it soak deep into my sore tissue.

"Are you stealing all the hot water?" Rick asks as he appears still clad in pajama pants and a t-shirt.

"Probably." I confess.

"Save me some, I haven't showered." I surprise us both by telling him to come in. After a little hesitation and carefully applied shampoo, his hands are wandering my body as mine worship his. I love knowing I have the power to create the hard erection that my soapy hand skims over. Even as he rinses the slippery bubbles, the satin skin feels amazing against my palm. We finish the shower quickly and he takes a moment to towel me dry at an agonizingly slow pace. His fingers thread through my wet folds. Despite the fact there is a perfectly good bed not even 30 feet from the bathroom, I find myself on my knees and bent over our large deep tub.

Despite the desperation this position often leaves us thrusting towards, its slow and emotional. Everything feels intensified as Rick's erection drives in and out of me with care. I can feel every inch of him as our hips meet. I vaguely become aware of my voice pleading my love, how happy I am to have him in my life and how I love our family. His broken answers reveals how close he is as I free-fall into an amazing orgasm. Somehow I manage to hold onto the rim of the tub as his pace quickens and he comes hard with his hands gripping my hips.

We collapse onto the bath mats together. A heap of limps and baby. I gasp for air, exhausted from the intense experience.

"Wow."

"Yeah." We tell each other. When our breathing comes back down, he helps me off the floor. "I'm too pregnant for floor sex." I tell him.

"Won't be for long." He promises and I shake my head.

"I've decided he's never coming out." I turn the shower back on and rinse off the stickiness of sex, while he settles for a warm washcloth. I have a very strong contraction in there, but say nothing at the time since I've learned to deal with them post-sex. When I reemerge he's dressed for the day. "Going somewhere?" I ask.

"I've got to meet with Gina for lunch." He confesses, a hint of sorrow and a healthy portion of regret lacing his voice. I decide not to mention the contraction, or the string of spaced out little ones I've dealt with the last few hours. It's not worth his guilt.

"When did that happen?" I ask, trying not to sound annoyed. She's a part of his life and it sucks, but I have no reason to fear infidelity. I dry and get dressed.

"She was on the call before, and we need to work through some things. I hate to leave you today." He means it.

"It's alright." I tell him, and pat his cheek. Pressing a kiss to his lips. "We need the book ready for press." His eyes go soft and his lips tug at mine for just a moment.

"We sure do."

* * *

><p>I'm reorganizing the food storage cabinet, trying to keep my mind off the fact that the world I'm in is very confusing. Rick stands beside the counter, watching my nesting fury. I reach up, and feel a tug on my back and uterus simultaneously. I hiss slightly.<p>

"You okay?" He asks.

"Just miserably huge. A little pull in my back." I tell him. He kisses my lips, wishing me good bye as he departs for lunch. I contract fairly hard after he leaves and grumble at the baby and my belly. "Make up your mind."

When I've conquered the cabinets and organized the condiments in the fridge, I move to the bookshelves. Rick keeps a pretty organized system, but there are a good twenty new books that haven't been filed. I set to work on them, placing them into the appropriate spots. I hit a snag when I come to a shelf where the number of books exceeds the space. I have to pull down three shelves of books before I can make everything work together properly.

I restock the first and have another contraction. The second brings me another, and the third produces two more. They're powerful enough and the last one lingers for close to a minute. I can't believe I'm in labor. These little contractions seem no worse than the ones I've fought for weeks. In fact, some of the ones I've had over the last 2 weeks I struggled to keep on top of and none of these have done that, though the last took me by surprise.

With a walk around the apartment, the next few seem to back down a little, ignoring the fact that I know many women like to walk in labor to reduce the discomfort. I'm satisfied that I can't be in labor. They're supposed to get worse, rather than the opposite. I set to work in the baby's room dusting, where there is no dust and straightening things I know are already straight.

I stare at the space above his dresser where we have agreed to stencil his name once we settled on it. Mentally, I put several names up from the list. I don't get to the end before I have an fairly strong contraction again. In fact, it won't let up. It seems to drag forever and I find myself gripping the edge of his low dresser and letting out a soft moan just as it peaks and begins to fall away.

A glance at my watch and I realize it's nearly one in the afternoon. Rick probably won't be back from his lunch meeting for a good hour. Alexis will be home from her AP class in half that time. I try to calculate when this all started and I can't quite figure it out. All those mild contractions surely didn't count. Did they? They'd been around, on and off, for weeks.

They'd sure been _on_ a lot to day. But I'd had some breaks. I think. I definitely had times when they were less intense and they're spaced quite far apart.

I couldn't be in labor. I wasn't even sure the whole situation was real. And if it wasn't real, then I couldn't be in labor. No baby. No labor.

I walk around a little and remember how in the past a bath had slowed or stopped strings of the preterm contractions. My back was still achy anyway, so I decided to try that.

* * *

><p>Lanie and Castle both startle when a doctor comes in. It's well after nine, close to 6 hours post-surgery and she still hadn't stirred.<p>

"Still here?" He offers with a reassuring smile. "I was just looking over her read outs."

"What?" Lanie asks, eyes darting as she stands with him.

"She's had a couple heart rate rises, nothing alarming." He provides. Castle strokes her hand softly. "But sometimes we see that before I patient wakes, so I came into check on her myself before I head home. Another doctor will be on call tonight."

"Interesting." Castle comments. "I'm sick of talking at her without a smartass comment snapping back." He doctor arches an eyebrow then turns to Lanie.

"I can see why she might make those."

"Try being cooped up with him for the last 6 hours. I'm surprised she hasn't woken up just to slap him." Lanie replied smugly.


	12. Chapter 12

**The coming chapters detail a vivid description of child birth, along with foul language and other adult themes. If that's going to bother you, I advise you to bail out until Chapter 14.**

* * *

><p>I fill the tub and set the heater to 100F, it won't get much hotter or colder than this thanks to the built in thermostat. I love this jetted tub, despite the fact I only had one pre-pregnancy experience with it. I flush with the memory of Rick and I making love here early on in our not-quite-a-relationship. Maybe I love it because of that one experience.<p>

Because of its size, it takes a long time to fill so I clean the mirrors and polish the sink's faucet. When it's a good half full, a contraction hits. I'm trying to count evenly in my head to see how long it lasts, but give up in order to blow a breath of air and moan. This can't really be happening. I can't really be pregnant or in labor. I decide to do one last thing before getting in. I pull out my phone and step into the bedroom so the rush of water won't drown out my voice. A quick scroll through my contacts and the line is ringing.

I let it ring until voicemail picks up. "You've reached Roy's voicemail." His voice booms. "I'm not available right now please..." I hang up before the message finishes and dig out his home number. No answer there as well. It's unsettling. I can't help the tears that prick up. I know why he's unavailable.

I bring my phone with me for the time. Folding and laying my clothes neatly on the bathroom's bench. I'm barely submerged when I contract again. I still keep expecting these things to get worse than I've dealt with over the weeks. I reflect back on my previous contractions. I know gradually over the weeks they'd gotten worse, but everything I'd read told me I'd know the real deal from the preterm stuff. My doctor had even pointed out that I'd already dilated two centimeters over that last few weeks, thanks to the intensity of some of them.

But this doesn't feel any different, except for their length. When the contraction lasting close to a minute finally fades, I scroll back through my call log, looking at when I first called Roy's cell in an attempt to time these things. I'm startled to find they're about 10 minutes apart. The doctor's office reminded me at every weekly appointment the last month to come in when they were close to 5 minutes apart and I couldn't talk through them. That's how we'd know it was real. I'm not meeting either requirement so I smile as I relax in the water. Ignoring the fact they've fallen into a pattern as the office stressed would also indicate labor.

And then I frown. I've forgotten the bubbles.

My mind then nags; you can't have bubbles if you are in labor.

"I'm not in labor." I protest out loud.

Two contractions later I hear Alexis come home, right as expected. I glace at the door knob, knowing it's unlocked and suddenly a little nervous she'll come in while I'm nude without the cover of bubbles for modesty.

She knocks softly on the door. "Kate?"

"Yeah?" I ask, sloshing a bit as I move to sit a little more forward.

"I'm home." She calls through the door, "Are you taking a bath?"

"I'm a little sore." I tell her, leaving out a few key facts. If I was sure I was really in labor, I'd tell her. I rationalize that nothing happening is intense enough to be worth mentioning.

"Is Dad in there?" She asks awkwardly, not wanting to think about the sex she knows we have. "I wanted to talk to him." The subject hangs heavily, not needing to be spoken.

"No, lunch meeting with Gina." I grit out, feeling a contraction work. Of course it's right on schedule.

"I don't like her either." Alexis replies smugly, mistaking my pain for annoyance over her father's ex-wife/editor.

"He should be home soon." I force out and then smirk with pride. I can talk through these. No worries.

"Okay. Enjoy your bath." Her footsteps fall away and I shift around, trying to find a position that feels a little better. I settle on my knees and cross my arms to lean my head on the side of the tub. My back feels better, even my pelvis feels better. I hadn't realized I was even having pain there until I remedied it.

The next contraction feels easier. And I smile smugly at the thought they'll go away now and I can move on with my day. I flip back over to my back. The next isn't as easy and is definitely longer, though without a timer other than the minute clock on my cell phone I can't be completely sure. My mind nags that it's the position I recline in.

I listen intently as I hear Rick come home and wander into his office on his cell. I can barely make out what he's saying through the wall of our bedroom and the bathroom door, but I can tell it's book related. When he ends the call, I hear Alexis come in.

I try to make out a few words, but lose track as I focus on a contraction. It drags forever. I make out _pregnant_ and _sex_. And _birth control a_nd _careful_, before the contraction fades. I don't need to look at the time to know it's been less than 10 minutes since the last one. I'm done reclining on my back, it hurts too much.

How can women labor and deliver this way?

I can hear him more clearly now and I can tell he's panicking. Much like I am when I look at the clock and realize it's only been 7 minutes.

"Alexis, look at what's ahead." He stresses, "If you get pregnant, college is going to get shoved aside."

"Dad." She replies calmly. "I love him and we're careful. Very careful. I promise."

"You're my baby." Rick protests. I knew he would cling to her as his little girl.

"I'm 18, an adult."

"I hate it." He offers up, "I look at you and see this tiny pink bundle. Screaming her head off over the injustice in the world because she's just been born into this big scary place."

"I'm always going to be yours." She offers, and I suspect they're probably hugging before their voices fade off into the living room. "But we both know the world isn't that scary for me anymore."

I'm not surprised when the next contraction takes over. Six minutes. I hang over the edge of the tub, shifting and rotating my hips as the pain waves through me. I let out a low sound as the peak of it clenches downwards and tight. My mind is racing as it passes. They're definitely more intense.

I should probably think about getting out and informing them this is it.

The thought hits me like a ton of bricks. This is it. I'm in labor. My body doing what it was designed to do to bring a baby from the inside out into life.

Does this make it real? I'm unsure as I think back to the unanswered calls and intense dreams. They were so real I smelled blood, grass and fresh earth.

Rick knocks but doesn't wait for me to answer before he comes in. "You've been in here a long time." He states, studying my position as I hang along the side of the tub. I pull back and recline against the back of the tub. He eyes my swollen breasts appreciatively as they float slightly at the water line.

"Did you talk to Alexis?"

"Did you know?" He asks, almost horrified.

"I found her pills yesterday."

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks, sitting on the lid of the toilet and looking so world weary.

"It wasn't mine to tell." I reply, slipping my eyes closed as the heating jets kick on to warm the water up a few degrees. "You should be proud of her. She initially wanted to just hide it until she left, she was so afraid you'd be mad. I told her you were her dad, and you'd get over it." He studies me and gives me a tiny smile.

"Are you okay?" He asks. It's my opportunity to tell him. To send everything into full speed ahead to the hospital. I shake my head yes, things are fine. It's true. I'm suddenly at peace. My body is doing something completely normal and it's okay, even if I'm not quite sure it's reality.

I can feel it coming though, as my uterus starts to tighten and spreads like wildfire. It just keeps building and building. I want to get off my back, but the contraction has a strong steady hold on me and I can't move. I groan and feel my body clamp downward with a little grunt at the peak. Rick is at my side before touching my shoulder and I tell him to stop as the tail of the contraction disappears, I don't want anything touching me while I contract. "I don't think you're okay." He states, sounding suspiciously far away.

"This is perfectly normal." I tell him.

"How far apart are they?" He asks, spying my phone sitting on the far edge of the tub.

"They're getting closer." I avoid.

"That's not what I asked." He tells me, smoothing a little damp hair from my face.

"They were holding at 10 minutes for the last few hours, since this morning." I explain, I look up at him and confess, "Six minutes I think."

"Six!" he practically shouts. "Get out, let's go."

"I'm not ready. I'll know when I'm ready. I don't want to be stuck in that bed all night." I tell him, shifting position back to the bent over kneel against the tub wall.

"Do you want something?"

"A glass of really cold water, no ice." I think a little longer, "And a cold wash cloth for my neck. It's the only part of me that feels hot." He nods and disappears. He's no sooner out the door when I contract again. A look at the phone's screen reveals it hasn't even been a full five minutes. There is a knock at the door while I'm still riding the wave higher and I grunt out. "What?" I assure myself, I can still talk and my water hasn't broken. First babies take hours and hours and hours. It's only been a few.

"Kate? You're in labor?" Alexis asks, sounding almost giddy. I feel my body press downward at the crest again. I'm letting my body take over, it knows what to do.

"Yeah." I grate out against it, finally feeling the sensation loosening. I'm a little worried about how long I will have to endure this.

"Can I come in?"

"Bring me a sports bra or my bikini top first." I manage. Our initial plan was to allow Alexis in the room for as long as I was comfortable, here at home I want her around for moral support. I'm not sure who will benefit from it more, me or Rick.

I hear my dresser drawers open and Rick enters a few moments later with the black top I know won't fit properly. My breast are going to hang out everywhere in the pre-pregnancy top, but it will cover enough that she can come in without my carefully guarded modesty vanishing. Somehow, I just don't care about the bottoms. He also comes bearing a glass of really cold, non-ice water and I sip that as he gets a washcloth wet in the cool sink water. I sit back on my heels and force on the bikini top. Rick wordlessly ties it for me before I slump forward and he lays the cloth across the back of my neck.

"Thanks." I say softly into the echo of the water and side of the tub.

"You had another one." He states, somehow knowing. "We should go, they're close enough."

"I'm not ready, my water hasn't broken and they're not horrific. I don't want to be in that bed." Alexis knocks. We've forgotten her standing out there.

"Sorry sweetie." He tells her, "Come in." Her smile is ear to ear and she produces the doppler from behind her back. Ricks eyes light up. "The wand is water proof." He promotes.

"He kicks after every contraction. But have at it if you'll feel better while we wait." I tell him. Rick snakes his arm into the tub and onto my belly as I refuse to move from the position I've taken up. It feels right the way I've spread my legs and it allows my belly to settle between. His heart beat is steady and normal.

"We're having a baby." Alexis practically squeals. Her joy at sisterhood spreads and I smile.

"I guess my body finally figured it out." I agree.

Four minutes later, I feel it coming. "You should time their length."

"Already? Now?" Rick asks, glancing at his watch. I drop my head in a nod as I ride it out, letting my voice hum and vocalize deeply before I let a little grunt at the top. I'm a little startled as it stalls longer at the peak, several little grunts slip from my lips. When it finally starts to recede, I look at Rick. "Done?"

"No." I breathe, as it finally completes. "Now."

He looks a little worried. "Kate, they're over a minute long."

"They're not that bad." I promise.

"You sound primal." Alexis adds. I look at her, surprised by her description.

"It feels better when I make a little noise." I offer sheepishly.

"I still want to go."

"You can decide when you're giving birth." I snap. I know it's only been a few minutes and I can feel another one coming. "Oh God." I whisper, as it sweeps in. This time at the top I recognize what my body is doing as I let out another soft grunt mid-moan.

It's pushing. I'm pushing.

The peak lingers again and I wonder how long I'll contract this hard before I can push in earnest and get him out.

"Kate, these are closing in fast. And they're longer."

"I didn't know someone could make that noise." Alexis provides, looking a little nervous.

"Shh." I scold, "A little peace, please." Concentrating to recognize when the contraction has completely ended. I slip my hand between my legs. It doesn't take much for me to realize I'm quite dilated and can feel my bag of water bulging from the gap.

"What are you doing?" Rick asks, sounding horrified.

"Checking." I tell him.

"Can you feel the baby?" Alexis asks.

"I think we should probably go in." I tell them, rising to a tall kneel rather than the slump I've maintained to relieve the pressure on my pelvis.

"Go get the car, pull it up out front." Rick tells Alexis, grabbing a towel and holding it out for me. She scurries from the bathroom, full speed to collect the keys and head to the parking garage. "Get out." He tells me.

I groan and shake my head, another contraction hitting me hard. "Oh, fuck." I howl, "I can't."

"Ride it out." he soothes, as I pant and grunt. It's still fading when I step from the tub, but I don't think I have time to wait for it to be completely finished.

I've got one foot over the rim when I hear it. A small little pop sound before a huge gush of fluid hits the both the floor and water inside the tub. Rick stares at me horrified still holding open the towel as my water drips all over the floor.

"Get another towel." I quirk.


	13. Chapter 13

**This chapters details vivid descriptions of child birth. If that's going to bother you, I advise you to bail out until Chapter 14.**

* * *

><p>"I swear I felt her hand twitch." Castle protests not long after the doctor leaves.<p>

"Maybe." Lanie offers, hopeful yet doubtful.

* * *

><p>"That was your water, right?" Rick confirms. But I can't say a word, all I can do is feel. His head has shifted much lower with the rapid gush. I'm suddenly panicking.<p>

"He's right there." I manage, feeling him wedged into my pelvis as I sit on the bench. My legs are shaking too much to hold me. _You're well into transition_. My mind nags. Rick shifts nervously and holds up my underwear.

"Can you feel him?" He makes a tucking motion with his hand, implying I should check again. My hand encounters, what I can only imagine is an almost complete cervix, just a lip of it's edge remaining and the baby's round head not much farther inside.

"I think I'm ready to push." I manage before a contraction starts and I grunt with it. I feel him come down a bit more and there is another small gush of fluid.

"Oh no." He scurries, "You're not having him here. No pushing."

"I'm not trying." I tell him seriously, as he holds up my underwear, waving them around in a flutter.

"Get dressed." He tells me. I shake my head and the sway makes me so nauseous I want to throw up.

"I'm not putting those on. Get me your grey sweats." I ask specifically for a pair I know hangs on him loosely. I'll just let them sit below my belly, but the thought of clothes right now seems impossible.

He runs off and I debate the shirt. Deciding to forget it, the bikini top will be enough. I grab a towel and waddle out, using my hand to press it to my crotch as I feel the trickle of fluid still dripping. No use in leaving a trail on the nice floor.

I know I look ridiculous as I make it out of the bathroom, past Rick digging in drawers in the bedroom and finally to the office. Rick appears behind me with his sweats. "Got 'em." He replies. I nod and stop at the desk, dropping the towel and bracing both my hands over the desk as I contract so hard I can feel my whole body shake again. I try not to push at the top of the contraction as he rubs my back, but I find myself grunting and panting, knowing it's still happening in small degrees.

"This is so much worse out of the water." I start to cry. "I feel like I'm ripping apart."

"You're going to make it, women do this all the time." He promises, holding up the pants. I shake my head, dismissing the garment.

"I need the ottoman." I offer, hoping the height will be right for getting them on since my legs are unsteady and everything feels so intense.

We make it into the living room before I'm contracting again. I grip a chair for dear life, swaying my hips and releasing deep noises I can't comprehend are my own voice. I know they're almost on top of each other now. I briefly wonder if Alexis has already retrieved the car. I'm clueless to how much time has passed as I struggle with the contractions out of the water. Time seems to drag on forever in a blur, but deep down I know it's only been minutes.

"We're going to make it." He promises me.

But I can't believe him, not when it feels like this.

I realize we've left my towel in the office as I sink to the ottoman and hold out my hand for the pants.

"Go get the towel." I tell him, "So I don't leak all over the car." I contract again and I feel him shift even lower as I make more little grunts. I know I'm pushing, but I can't make my body stop. The urge is particularly strong at the peak of them.

The contraction is beginning to fade but the pain in my pelvis and crotch is intense. I'm not surprised when I reach down and feel things. I'm not exactly sure what I'm feeling, but my skin is stretched tight and bulging. I sweep my finger in slightly and there is no question. I can feel his head and it's so close I imagine he's beginning to show.

"Rick!" I scream as I contract again. I teeter on the edge of the ottoman, pressing my hand there gently as I feel the baby push down and then retreat. I give little pushes, they just feel right. _Stretch. Stretch. Don't tear._ I chant inside my head.

He reappears with a dry towel as I feel another wave crashing in before the last has even retreated completely. Rick takes one look at me, with my hand applying gentle inward pressure instinctively to protect the taught skin from tearing, and he drops the towel.

"Oh shit." He manages, groping his pockets for his phone.

"If you fucking Google this I'm going to kill you." I promise as I try to catch my breath in the down slope.

"911." He mutters and I feel the contraction arching upward again.

"Noooo!" I howl as he starts to leave. "Stay. Stay." I pant and give a little push. I feel more of his head press into my hand and I know I can't keep sitting on the edge like this. I let up on the push and I feel him retreat again. Rick drops to the floor beside me. "He's coming." I cry, hurting and scared. Even knowing I was built for this doesn't seem to help me cope with the burning and overwhelming urge to push.

"Are you sure?" He asks. I try to swat at his head and point. With a tentative look, his face goes white as I push.

"How much can you see?" I ask as I take a breath.

"Part of a wrinkled head, I think. It went back in. We've got time. I should get my phone."

"No." I hiss again and push a little. "Do. not. leave. I can walk you through."

"Whoa." He wonders out loud as I push a little more and feel more burning and stretching. This time, I don't feel him retreat as far back in. "That's working." Rick promises.

"Not enough. I have to move. This hurts so badly, I need to be on my knees." I gasp out. "I have to get him out." Rick helps me slip to the floor and flip over, allowing me to lean heavily against the ottoman. I immediately feel more open and contract. I groan. I can't believe how much everything hurts. "Oh, God Rick." I cry, between the little pushes my body has guided me into. "This can't be happening. I can't be doing this."

"You are." He encourages. "You're getting him out."

"Not real." I sob and push the small controlled surge through my body.

"He's not going back in anymore." He relays, but somehow I already knew because everything down there feels like it's on fire. "You're doing great, go slow. I think the widest part is there." He offers as I pant, the contraction easing back. My hand reaches down, and I'm amazed how much head my palm touches. He's definitely right, the baby's head has me stretched tight as he crowns.

"He's coming." I whisper, before I'm hit with another contraction and I push harder. It feels better to push with them. I feel a pop and gush and suddenly I realize Rick is gasping around tears.

"Head's out." He tells me, voice hitching.

"Cord?" I groan, trying not to push until I know he'll be safe. I thank my lucky stars for the EMT training. "Check for. a cord. at his neck." I pant.

"No." He tells me reverently. I can feel the baby wiggle and shift inside me and it feels strange as he helps the process.

"He's moving around." I moan, the next contraction coming swiftly. "Is he turning?"

"Yes, his head turned. He's coming Kate, I can't believe you're doing this. He's a gorgeous, but a little squishy." He adds light-heartedly. I push heavily as his shoulders and body shifts downward. Little panting pushes forgotten as my body screams for him to come out. "Almost. One more push and he'll be out." Rick tells me.

"Come on baby." I grit out as I push, wanting him out before the contraction fades. In a huge relieving gush, Rick makes a surprised sound of awe as the baby slips free from my body and lands in his waiting hands.

"You did it!" He cheers.

"Put him down." I point to the towels on the floor, suddenly oblivious to the world around us as I catch sight of him down between my knees. His little limbs are clenched tight as Rick rubs his slippery back, trying to encourage his cry. My hands shove his out of the way and I scoop the baby from between my knees and up to my chest. I rub him there, knowing he's okay because the cord still pulses between us and he isn't limp or rubbery. I turn over, so I can lean against the ottoman and chair as I pat and rub him patiently. "Untie me." I order and lean forwards so he can untie my bikini top. I reach for a towel and rub the baby with it as he works the knot at my back loose.

It's as Rick pulls my top away that our baby sucks in a lung full of air and then lets out a piercing cry. I finally look up at Rick, who I've heard whispering encouragements to our son all along, amazement and pride washing both our faces.

"We made a baby." He tells me seriously.

"We made a Brayden?" I offer. Rick studies his son's face, pink from yelling on his new lungs. Brayden wasn't even on the list.

"I think we did." He smiles. "An A and a B."

"I'm still not agreeing to a full set." I laugh, as I snuggle the towel around the baby. He quiets some as I wipe away the fluids on his skin, admiring how pink his limbs are becoming as his lungs and heart pass oxygenated blood around.

"Alexis and Brayden." He states out loud. "Shit, Alexis." He laughs. "I better call her." He looks at me hesitantly before going in search of his phone.

"Okay." I whisper, staring into the wide eyes of our baby. "Hey little man." I tell him and when I stroke his cheek I'm shocked to see him turn and root. Instinctively I shove my breast into his mouth and he takes a few lazy sucks. I grin. "Good job." I encourage, as it brings on a contraction beginning to work the placenta free. I stroke his cheek lightly and he gives a few more sucks. Rick comes back into the room, jaw dropping as he takes in the sight of our son at my breast. He's brought a few more towels. I take the dark one to sit on as I bleed.

"Yes, everyone is breathing. Pink and perfect. He's actually nursing." It takes me a minute to realize he's chatting casually with the 911 operator, having finished with Alexis. "It's her first, my second." He laughs at something the operator says.

Alexis bursts through the door. "Hi." I tell her from the floor.

"Oh my God."

"That was my thought." I reply, the baby's suckling producing a few more weak contractions. "You better get an old bucket or something." I tell her with a scrunched up face. "I think the placenta will be here before the EMT's."

"Good idea." The two Castles who can talk chime in unison. "We're supposed to stay on the line." He motions to the phone.

I nod and feel a little dizzy with the next contraction as Alexis appears with an old bowl. The baby releases when I rise up a bit and one little push sends it plopping into the bowl. I scrunch my nose, it's not exactly a pleasant sight, but I look at its interesting patterns and edges. Even without a detailed look, it seems whole. I throw the wettest discarded towel over the top of the bowl and set it on the coffee table. Rick looks at me as if I've lost my mind, but it has kept our son alive for months and months, it will be fine on the table. I run my fingers across his whitening cord and Rick comes to sit next to me, phone still glued to his ear.

"All that was in there?" Alexis wonders out loud.

"And what felt like a bucket of water." I offer, thinking back to the splashes in the bathroom. Brayden stares up as I shift him a little higher so he lies across my heart and the towel gives me a little modestly. His little lungs prove their power in a tiny cry as I soothe him.

"I really think we're okay." He tells the operator and after a pause he thanks them and hangs up. "They're downstairs and heading up." He provides.

Alexis touches his back through the towel and then his little fist. "Is he cold? I'll get another towel." She offers, the few surrounding us now used for different purposes. She comes back with one of my favorite fluffy towels. I'll be sorry it's destroyed later, but for now I just want to put it over our little baby. In a carefully orchestrated switch, the damp towel I'd cleaned him up with is discarded for a dry fluffy green one. He's quieted and Rick stares at him, his eyes only breaking away to look at my face.

"He's so beautiful." His wide little eyes stare at my face as I keep it close. "Brayden." I say with pride, surprised at the amount of energy I now have surging through my body. It seems like only moments ago I was exhausted from intense labor.

"Brayden?" It dawns on Alexis that she hasn't asked his name. "Oh, I like it."

Rick touches his little nose and the baby blinks. We all smile and Alexis awes in wonderment.

Our little moment is shattered by the EMT's thundering in. "You missed the show. I had to do all the work." Rick announces.

"I had to do all the work." I correct.

"The catching, I did all the catching." Rick provides and the three person crew laughs.

"Sorry we missed it. Had a new trainee who could have used the experience." One member jokes to another.

It's a whirl after that, as they listen to his healthy heart and lungs before we cut his cord. Someone gets me a shirt to wear and then we load up. Carefully tucked under blankets and straps.

* * *

><p>Alexis and Rick are waiting for us when we arrive. Because of the extra person in the Ambulance, they both had to drive in separately from us.<p>

The Maternity floor staff jokes with us as they weigh him and help us give him his first bath.

Seven pounds and eight ounces.

By then, I'm completely drained. My eyes are struggling to stay open. I recline on the bed, watching Rick sit, holding our bundled sleepy baby on top of his thighs. He looks down on our son's face. Rick Castle seems almost mystified.

"I can't believe we made that." I provide out loud again, and stifle a yawn.

"I know. I never thought I could love another baby like I love Alexis." He offers, thinking of his daughter who's gone home to retrieve the list of people we'd promised to call. I kick myself for not packing it into the hospital bag. "I mean, I loved watching him grow, but the second I saw his little head." He shakes his own head. "I loved him just as intensely as I love her." I smile, my eyes drooping.

"Let me see him again." I ask and he brings him over. "I can't get enough of the sight of him." Rick offers him to me and I shake my head. I'm too sleepy.

"You should rest, you had a long day."

"I don't want to." I protest, but I know it's useless.

"We'll still be here." He offers, walking the room with the quiet bundle. "We'll still be here." He whispers again as my eyes drift closed.

"I love you." I murmur, and through my sleepy fog I hear him echo it back.


	14. Chapter 14

**Whew! You made it. I made it. **

**And Kate did it. **

**If you skipped a few, I'm glad to see you back! And will happily give you a non-graphic summary if you send me a PM or request it in feedback.**

**-K**

* * *

><p>I fight through the fog. I've never had so much trouble waking up from a nap or a night's rest.<p>

I hear his voice first.

"Kate. Wake up."

"I love you." I hoarse out quietly as I struggle to blink my eyes awake. Repeating the words I know he never tires of hearing. His face comes into focus as he leans in. Awe spread across his face as he brings his hand up to stroke my cheek.

"I was scared." He tells me seriously, and I begin to feel the rest of the room. Lanie is hovering and I'm not sure when she arrived to see us. A nurse and a doctor appear quickly. I start to sit, suddenly worried that something has gone horribly wrong with me. Or the baby.

The pain in my left side from my movement is horrific. I hiss in pain and fall back down.

I look around the room, it's not the room we were in before. Missing are the soft pale pinks and blues. The little plastic baby bassinet.

"Someone shot me." I mutter in horror, reality collapsing in. "Shit."

Then the tears flood.

"Shhh." He hushes, his hand never leaving mine as the doctor checks my stitches and vitals. I'm vaguely aware of them asking me questions about pain tolerance and if I know who I am. But my thoughts race.

I had a baby. I carried him and watched him kick and grow before I gave birth to a son, in Castle's living room. Rick's living room.

But it wasn't real.

"What month is it?" The nurse asks as the doctor recloses my bandage. I think for a moment about where I am supposed to be. For a moment I worry that I've been out for the last 9 months, but I rationalize they would be telling me the month rather than asking me, if it had been that long.

"May." I whisper. Everyone seems relieved, except me. They return with injectable pain killers and I want to protest, but I can't stop the tears rolling down my face. My mind can't seem to grasp that none of it really happened, and the quiet tears just won't stop. I wipe at them with my wire free hand, frustated and in shock.

I didn't have a baby.

"It'll be okay sweetie." Lanie assures me from the foot of my bed. "You're going to be fine."

"There was a baby, he felt real." I protest as the drugs wash through me. I can't hold in the words, I know they'll all assume I've gone crazy. "We did it." I murmur at Castle.

The doctor and nurse seem as confused as I am, flipping through the chart and telling me that the blood work didn't indicate a pregnancy. The drugs are heavy and I look at Castle. "He was yours and he was beautiful." I tell him with a sigh. I can barely comprehend the look he gives me as he squeezes my hand.

"Kate, you're not pregnant." He promises, his concern for my emotional reaction present on his face. Then he turns from me for a minute to look at the room of expectant faces, addressing us all. "We've never slept together."

"He felt real." I tell them again. Thinking of the way he used to stretch inside, feeling the burn of his head as I pushed him from my body, the look on his tiny face as he'd looked up into my eyes.

They all talk around me as I close my eyes and think of the little baby.

I remember the doubts, the pain in my side and the vivid dreams I'd had there, reminding me of this life.

"I had to be dreaming." I offer up. "But he felt real." I insist again before I give into the drugs and fall back under.

* * *

><p><em>I lay on my side in the hospital bed, quietly nursing our newborn son as he lies beside me. Rick sits on the edge of the bed watching with pride. I smile at him and blink.<em>

_..._

_And then we're at home. Rick is holding the week old baby to his shoulder, showing him things in his room and cooing nonsense. Brayden is only wearing one sock. _

_The blue sock with a little white stripe around the ankle. _

_I dig through his wardrobe, looking for its mate. "This is why we ball them." I scold, coming up empty. I grab another pair of socks and slide them onto his feet in replacement. I pin the sock to the cork board on the wall, right beside a picture of the newborn with his big sister._

_"I didn't do it." _

_"Yes, you did Daddy." I tell him, pausing to smile close to my baby's face. "I remember specifically, these were in that load you put away the day we went to the park." _

_"Maybe." He concedes before I take the baby. _

_..._

_Suddenly we're all in the bed, Brayden tucked into his bassinet as Rick and I curl together to watch him sleep. _

_"Always." He promises in my ear for no apparent reason. _

* * *

><p>When I wake, it takes my heart a minute to recover to a normal rate. A nurse opens the door to my room and spills light everywhere. Castle sleeps slumped uncomfortably in the chair.<p>

"Are you alright, Kate?" She asks as she checks me and offers me painkillers.

"Nothing that strong again." I tell her softly. "The dreams are just..."

"Vivid and tangled." She offers with an experienced smile.

"Yeah." I sigh and look over at Castle as he stirs slightly.

"He loves you. It's obvious." The nurse offers.

"I remember that." I say. I'm overwhelmed with the image of his face over me as I bled in the cemetery. "Castle." I call softly as she hands me oral meds and a mug of cold water. I swallow them as he sits up fully and rubs his eyes.

"Hey." He smiles, tripping slightly as he gets up and comes to the bedside. His eyes are confused and worried.

The nurse smiles as she leaves, showing me the call button and bed controls, though she advises it's now the middle of the night and I should try to sleep.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"I'm not really sure." I tell him honestly and he stares at me.

"You weren't making sense before." He says softly and pulls the chair close to the bed. I close my eyes for an extended blink and then look up at the ceiling. "Should I get the nurse?" He asks softly, still concerned by my emotional struggle.

"No." I whisper, my voice breaking. "Castle." I start and can't continue.

"Becks." He encourages, his fingertips brushing lightly against my hand. I surprise us both by threading my fingers with his. Then, carefully, I turn to him and it pours free.

"I had this crazy dream. The whole time I knew things were wrong, but it was so real. It was just so real. You were just Rick and I was just Kate. We made a baby and I lived in the loft with you and Alexis." I pause, and wonder briefly if Alexis is having sex and on birth control in this life. "You finished another book, and I worked mostly from my desk and I kept having this weird pain in my left side. There were little things wrong, like my soap and what I wanted for lunch and time would just go missing and blur past. Then I went into labor while you were with Gina and things went really fast. You caught him in your living room." I look at him and he studies me.

"We made a baby." He states and the little hint of magic in his voice makes me remember the other world and a wet screaming newborn on my chest.

"We made a Brayden." I provide. I'm crying again, quietly. Castle touches my face and wipes away one of the lingering tears. I hate to cry.

"I like it." He offers. "But I think you've got some good drugs." He provides, looking just a little more relieved.

"Yeah." I agree, clinging to the excuse for the tears and the twisted confession.

"Anything else?" He asks, and I can see what the little sneak is trying to do. He thinks 'drugged' Kate may make another confession.

"Yeah." I breathe, "I told Josh not to come back when I called Haiti to tell him about Montgomery." The thought of Roy makes a few tears leak out again and I wipe them away with the edge of the white hospital blanket. I know Josh was the last thing Castle wanted to hear about. I sink my head back into the pillows.

"I'm sorry about Josh." He offers. I wave my hand in dismissal.

"I'm not." I tell him and then yawn. He wants to say something, I can tell even through the heavy lids of my eyes.

"You need to rest." He replies instead. I'm in no place to pry further as my body gives up and I fall under.


	15. Chapter 15

**Life is all those twists and turns along the way. **

****A big thank you to my beta Berlina. More special thanks go out to Jenrose1 who gave wonderful labor and child birth insights! This would not be as marvelous it is without either of you.****

* * *

><p>When I wake, I'm a little disappointed that I haven't dreamed of them. I lay quietly with my eyes closed, thinking about what my disappointment means.<p>

I've never had a desire for children. It's not that I don't enjoy babies. It's not that I wouldn't love one if it happened. It's just that, I'm a cop. I'm not a mother. I've lost a parent. I know how that feels and I couldn't risk leaving my child without a mother. Thinking of her paired with the recent events brings a fresh swirl of grief for her loss.

"I know you're awake." His gruff voice comes from the corner. I turn my head and look at him, slumped into one chair, his feet propped up on another.

"Why are you still here?" I ask. "Clearly, I'm going to live."

"I know." He provides, not giving me an answer.

"What happened to Lanie?"

"I drove her nuts all afternoon and evening." I see his face smile. "We watched TV, asked each other trivial questions from an app and ate Thai."

"Thai?" I ask, a little perkier, "In here?"

"Yeah." He confirms, groaning a bit as he removes himself from the two chairs. "I'm too old for this." He complains and I see a flash of him naked as he grins over my insatiable pregnant body.

I blush.

"I dreamed that."

"Really?"

"Yeah." I confirm.

"Huh." He ponders. "That's weird."

"You didn't live it." I mutter, still unable to shake the feeling of Castle, Rick, sliding erotically in and out of my body.

"You okay?" He asks and I blush deeper.

"Fine." I manage. He hands me an insulated cup with a straw. I sip the cold water and sigh. "Thanks." He hovers again and I can faintly see pink outside the window. I look up at the clock and I'm not surprised to see it's just after 5 am. The sun will rise above the buildings before long. Castle stares at me intently.

"We obviously, ah, did things there." He comments, then regrets it. "Sorry." He mutters.

"It's alright." I tell him again and shift slightly. My stitches tug and hurt a little so I raise the bed a bit more.

"Just alright?" He pries with a tease, knowing full well that wasn't what I was implying. I roll my eyes.

"Shut up, Castle." I offer lightly. He worries his lip as he hovers. "You're making me crazy, sit down." I order. He surprises us both by sitting on the edge of the bed.

"You said something when you woke up."

"I said a lot of things, the staff thought I was crazy."

"I didn't." He tells me, and tentatively touches my hand. I don't thread my fingers with his this time, but I don't pull away. I feel more like myself, rather than my other self from the dream, the longer I'm awake and away from them. The grief for them less fresh and raw, but still there. I imagine it will take me a long while to be completely free. "You said you loved me. I just need to know if that was here or there." His forehead is creased, the lines around his eyes tugging deep. He reminds me of the night in my apartment when we fought about what we were.

I close my eyes for a moment. Reliving him over me, confessing his love as I struggled to stay alive.

I remembered it last night with the nurse and I still remember this morning.

"I remember." I tell him, opening my eyes and meeting his steel blue with my green. He squeezes my hand, wordlessly asking for more. "I remember what you said." I tell him over the lump in my throat. I can't say anything else.

"Good." He offers. "It's still true." I can see his own tears behind his lashes. His heart in his eyes. Castle is scared, but it's obvious he needed it out. So often he reminds me of a compulsive child, not thinking of the outcome as he blurts the question. But he's never been that way about this thing between us. He's always been serious about the two of us, even through the jokes and innuendo.

That makes this much more fragile.

I lift my hand, pulling the wires and tubes along, to touch his face. I refuse to disconnect the other from his trembling hand. His eyelids flutter closed and he leans into my touch. _This is way too much. _I think. "Look at me." I tell him and his eyes open.

"Don't." He tells me, providing the exit. But I don't take it.

"Both." I promise.

And mean it.

He looks at me in wonder as I slip my hand around his head to pull him down. Our lips meet softly in the most gentle kiss I've ever had. I want more, and tug at his lips until both of our mouths have fallen open and our tongues graze. He keeps it gentle, puts no weight on me as our lips and tongues play softly. I'm drowning in him. It's better than I dreamed and intensely equal to our alleyway kiss, despite the pace.

It's of course this moment the nurse clears her throat at the door. He pulls away as if I've burned him. I slowly touch my lips. "Is he going to be a problem in here?" She asks disapprovingly.

"No." He promises, a hitch in his voice. Mine has completely failed.

* * *

><p>Over the next few days people come and go, and the plugs, tubes and wires disappear one by one. I even get a new, less critical room.<p>

Castle is always the last to leave and the first to return. He makes no further move to kiss me and doesn't bring up my confessions.

It's just that when he leaves, he lingers in his good bye far too long. Often stopping to touch me in small ways, a tuck of my hair or a brush of his fingers against my hand. This afternoon it was a brush of his hand against the outer edge of my thigh. His hand had burned through the two blanket's I'd piled on. My face had gone scarlet after he'd stepped out the door.

I hobble to the bathroom, thankful to be alone for a few minutes. I study myself in the mirror and smooth a hand over the uninjured portion of my stomach. It's good to see my own body.

But I miss him. That little baby I brought to life in a dream. I hold the tears down. Reminding myself it wasn't real.

"You never wanted that." I tell my reflection before hearing the nurse's knock at the door. I take a deep breath and assure myself I'll be okay.

"Everything alright?" She asks as I exit the bathroom a little shaken.

"Yes." I tell her and force a smile.

"We're going to move you again." She promises. "General care, probably for another day or two."

"Okay." I agree, and wish Castle was here.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry to bother you with this." He tells me the next afternoon, after getting in past the security outside my room.<p>

"I don't have a whole lot going on in here. I could use the distraction." I prompt, pointing at the useless daytime TV.

"It's Alexis."

"Oh." I state, somehow knowing what's about to come out of his mouth.

"She's on the birth control pills."

"She's 18 now, isn't she?" I offer softly.

"Yes." He grumbles.

"She's a very responsible girl. I'm sure they're being extra careful." I provide.

"She said as much." He winces again. "But I can't stand the idea."

"She's your baby." I provide. Closing my eyes again at the memory of him holding our tiny newborn son. It seems blurry now, but I still remember and it doesn't make me cry.

"But she's an adult. Blah, blah, blah. That's what she said."

"It's okay to be uncomfortable, but she had to grow up sometime. Be happy they love each other and it's hasn't been forced on her."

"Yes." He finally agrees, no doubt envisioning all the things we've seen done to young women against their wills before their lives were ended.

"It'll be okay, Rick." I offer, watching as a little acceptance slips in.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now move, _The Price is Right_ is on and you're blocking my TV." I tease.

* * *

><p>"Found you!" Ryan announces as he appears in street clothes at my door with Jenny. Castle sits in a reclining chair beside me as we watch movies side by side. I'm sick of the space he insures is always between us.<p>

"Hey." I offer, flicking off the screen to Rick's protest.

The two of them sit on the little couch and we chit chat. Talking of cases and the search for the kingpin behind my mother's murder and the shooting that has put me here. When the severity of the situation weighs heavily on us, Ryan pulls Jenny closer in self-comfort. But she scrunches her nose.

"I hate that cologne." She tells him.

"It's the same one." He protests lightly.

"Then you're using more."

"No." He swears.

"You're pregnant." I blurt. The room falls silent. Castle looks at me, horrified by my manners. Ready to blame it on the drugs I take less and less of.

"Umm." Ryan provides.

"You are, aren't you?" I gasp, shocking myself that what I'd already known was indeed the truth.

"Jury's still out." Jenny protests with blush on her cheeks.

"The stick was pink though." Kevin boasts.

"But we're not saying anything yet." She growls. "We have an appointment next week."

"Congratulations." Castle offers, looking worried as he studies my reaction. I think he knows I'm struggling to let go of the baby I never really had.

"That's amazing you guys." I smile and mean it. "You'll be great parents." A smile touches Jenny's lips.

"Not to pry..." Castle starts before I interrupt.

"You always pry."

"Anyway, what about the wedding?" We all know it looms ahead later in the summer.

"Assuming there is a baby," Jenny pauses, "We're just going to go ahead and have it and hope I can fit into the dress I bought."

"She will, it will still be early." Ryan offers before they swear us to secrecy and head out.

* * *

><p>My Dad and I are playing cards the next evening when Castle bursts through the door. Dad had been stopping by every morning on the way in, but in a rare event stopped in again tonight before leaving town. I'm sitting on the bed, one leg bent in as I deal. I'm shocked that I've already healed to the point I have. The incision is clean and healing well, just a scabbed line with a few covered stitches making little puckers here and there. It's still tender to the touch but the deep ache is fading rapidly.<p>

Both the deep aches are fading.

I can't describe the expression on Castle's face. He looks like he's seen a ghost and he can't hide the frustration when he greets us both, where only I should sit. "Oh. Hello Mr. Beckett. Wasn't expecting you again today."

"Katie called me." He tells him, eyeing Rick as suspiciously as I do. He's come to know some of Castle's expressions over the last week and a half.

"Did you get word?" Castle asks and I nod. He tries to cover the panic he came in with, but still seems on edge. I know his face so well, there isn't any hiding the evidence.

"Home tomorrow." I smile. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Good." They echo. My father closes his hand and passes the cards over before rising.

"It's getting late, I should go." He explains, I nod and kiss his cheek when he bends to kiss mine.

"Night." I offer as he heads out and past the door guards.

Castle stands at the window.

"Is it bad?" I ask, afraid of what blow may come next.

"I'm not sure." He says, his voice wobbles as he turns to me.

"Rick, you're starting to freak me out."

"I don't know where to start." He provides. I pat the bed as I scoot over slightly and straighten my legs to make more room.

He sits, facing me. One leg crossed under the other, one foot touching the floor as his thigh fits tightly alongside mine. The heat between us is incredible and I look down to where we touch before finding his face.

"Start with the obvious." I practically beg.

I expect words when his lips part.

I'm not expecting his mouth to crush onto mine.

Kissing Castle is like drowning. Only far, far better. Our lips, tongues and teeth battle hotly. I want control, but apparently so does he. When his fingers thread into my hair and one of us releases a soft moan, I know we have to stop. I pull back from him, shocked to find my hands gripping his shoulder and neck. I quietly remove my arms, but slip my hand into his. Rick looks down at them in amazement.

I think it's the first time in this life I've put my hand into his, rather than his hand finding mine first.

"The obvious." He shrugs, and shifts his hips. I can't help but notice the bulge there. It makes me grin and a thousand jokes fly through my head before he silences them. "I love you." He tells me. I swallow hard.

"Yes. I love you." I tell him. The words feel foreign and foggy.

But, absolutely right.

He lips brush against mine softly before he pulls back and sinks his hands into his pockets. I'm about to ask what he's looking for when his hand comes out in a fist.

His hands tremble along with his voice.

"I dropped the remote. It went under the couch. My couch sits really close to the floor, not a lot of space for things to get under it." He rambles. "I don't even know how the remote got under there. But my housekeeper only moves the furniture once a month. And, well, I moved it to get the remote. This was under there." He tells me seriously, and opens his hand.

Inside it rests a single newborn sock.

It's blue with a little white stripe around the cuff.

* * *

><p><strong>And that's all there is. There isn't any more. <strong>

**I sure h**ope you've enjoyed the twisted path this fic has taken.****

**-K**


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